I’m plodding away on the treadmill at the gym, when a “reality” real estate show pops up on the screen. Halfway through the episode, they highlight two different scenarios of an executive type single male out on a date. And quite honestly, both were examples of “how to blow it.” Both of these guys started out well; they asked a woman out and she said yes. Good job, guys! That’s the first hurdle. Unfortunately, it went downhill fast.
The first gentleman is a “nice guy” type. He’s funny and geeky and cute in a New York sort of way. It’s implied that he’s a successful and confident businessman. As far as looks go, he’s nicely groomed and put together, and since the majority of women aren’t as image-conscious as men, he’s more than attractive enough. His date is a classy gal. I can tell she really wants to like him, but their date is has obstacles to say the least. Here’s what went wrong.
1. Timing is Off
Mr. Nice Guy calls her 30 minutes ahead to make sure she is ready, and then picks her up 15 minutes early. Guys, please – don’t arrive early! Your date is trying to get ready and look pretty for you. Don’t mess up this process! On the other hand, don’t show up late either. Be respectful and arrive on time. Call if you are running late.
When the waiter comes by to get their drinks, Mr. Nice Guy keeps deferring back to the woman. Guys, ladies hate that! Sure, give us a say in the decision, but please know your own mind. Do you like wine, beer, cocktails or water? Do you enjoy meat or fish? Figure this out before you go on a date because we don’t want to wait (along with the server) while you have a mental crisis at the table. And for the record, I suggest not drinking on dates so you have a clear head and act like yourself.
3. Lack Of Social Skills
I’m not talking about “game” here or even charm – it’s just plain awkward the entire date! There are long gaps in between their conversation. He doesn’t even seem interested in her. When he does talk out loud, it’s about the bygone days when he was overweight and pimply. This guy can barely get out a sentence because he’s so insecure, which he wasn’t in the business realm. I wanted to crawl through the screen and rescue him!
Clearly, he lacks communication skills with women, which can be learned. If painful shyness with the opposite sex is an issue for you, seek counseling and find a good dating coach.
The date ended with him asking her out again and she declined. I’m amazed she made it to dessert. Mr. Nice Guy, I am rooting for you. You just need to improve a few dating skills!
The next young man is also an upscale executive type. He’s very attractive and he knows it (horribly arrogant and boastful) and I become slightly nauseated watching him get his “game” on. He is well-dressed and appears intelligent, sneaky and of low moral character. The girl he meets for dinner is bursting out of her low-cut dress. She is overtly sexual and I honestly thought, despite his lack of common courtesy, that she was pretty trashy even for him. Here’s what went wrong with his date.
1. Bad Manners
He’s late. By the time he arrives, she’s already had a few cocktails. Now maybe he planned that, because she’s raring to go. He also takes phone calls during the date. Seriously? He checks out other women who walk by and even slyly asks another one out when she’s not looking. Yuck, yuck, yuck!
2. He Has An Agenda
In other words, this is a high-class hook-up. It felt like a college frat party swapping out the Solo cups for a good wine and lovely ambiance. It wasn’t about meeting someone new or treating another human being with dignity and respect. This was an orchestrated event ending in the bedroom.
3. Leave The Baggage At Home
Their date ended up with sex in the limo. Her clothes were off before the door was shut and they had to fuzz it out of the screen. I’m guessing he calls the other girl from the restaurant in the morning.
Guys, if a lack of respect for women is your issue – because you are damaged by a bad relationship, or numbed out from pornography – try and limit the collateral damage of women you take out until you get some healing. Find a counselor, get your heart right with God and, when you can see women as valuable once again, then try dating.
Clearly reality TV is staged for drama, but take the drama out of your dating life and treat your date the way you want to be treated – with kindness, respect and intentionality. Become the type of person you would find attractive and dateable and people will notice.
You may also be interested in 10 Good First Date Questions To Ask A Girl Or Guy