Do you live in the town where you grew up? If you are a young adult, there’s a good chance you don’t. More and more young adults are moving away from their families for jobs, relationships or just a good old-fashioned adventure.
After graduating college in the Midwest, I moved to Colorado, which is where I’ve lived for the last 12 years. One of the challenges created by our generation’s increase in transience is the hindrance of one of the primary safeguards for those on the road to marriage. We no longer lean on our families, and especially our parents, the same way we used to as we choose a mate.
Just a generation ago, most people married someone who grew up in the same city or town as them. The couple’s parents already knew each other and, in many cases, had literally watched their children’s future spouses grow up. Today, we are finding each other in a variety of ways, but these types of marriages are becoming increasingly rare.
There is great value in leaning on the wisdom of those who love us early on in a new relationship. Our families can often see relational or character issues long before we do, but it takes time to cultivate that relationship. Our parents may not have the same insight or wisdom to offer after a quick weekend visit.
It’s important for those on the road to marriage to give the people we love and respect permission to speak candidly about someone we are dating. Ask them for their unfiltered advice and listen carefully to what they say. If you are hearing the same concerns from several people, it’s a sign that you may need to take a closer look at your relationship. Even the wisest people can sometimes make very foolish mistakes when it comes to their relationships. When we fall in love, we can become oblivious to flaws and shortcomings that we should really pay attention to.
One of the best things we can do is submit our relationship to God and be attentive to patterns of disregard for God’s commands. Everyone struggles with certain things, but how does the person you are interested in respond when they struggle? Do they make excuses and gloss over their failings or do they admit their mistakes and take steps to improve their misguided behavior? Turning quickly from sin may indicate stronger character than never admitting to mistakes in the first place.
If you are in a relationship and haven’t spent time together with people who love you enough to tell you the truth, it’s an important step to take. Let the wise people in your life get to know your significant other and ask them for their honest feedback. It’s better to know now and save yourself the pain of a big mistake. For the biggest decision of our lives, the more external wisdom we are leaning on, the better.
You may also be interested in Why You Need A Dating Team To Coach Your Love Life
All parents are biased? Really? No, all PEOPLE are biased! What you need is lots of godly advice, At the top of the list should be a godly parent who knows you best and loves you unconditionally. Keep in mind that the other people you mentioned are not going to become your in-laws. In a very real sense you do marry into the family, so doesn’t it make sense to start off with their involvement? By the way, how do you define “wealth”? A major biblical role for a man is to be the woman’s provider and protector. Making sure your daughter doesn’t marry a bum is very Christian indeed.
If you don’t like asking people’s opinion and are confused if you are dating or wanting to marry the right person, use your common sense to eliminate guessing. My app gives you tools to conduct thorough research on your compatibility. Find out in depth what you have in common, discuss your differences and notice how you handle such discussions. If your differences are setting you 180 degrees apart, find another partner. If you can compromise on most differences and you have a lot in common – commit to that person if your common sense/intellect and your heart tell you so.