I was driving back home one night in tears over a friend’s words. She was single, Christian and kind, but she had a subliminal way of hurting me, and I always found myself having to defend my relationship. Why couldn’t she just be happy for me instead of thinking something is wrong with my relationship?
The truth is, some singles struggle to feel joy for others who are in a relationship. It doesn’t matter if God’s breath is living and breathing all over a godly relationship; sometimes, people just can’t be truly happy for others because of the pride and pain of being single.
As strange as it may sound, I’ve heard it all: “I can focus more on Jesus when I’m not in a relationship.” “I can make Him my number one instead of a guy.” “I’m happy as a clam being single, I don’t need a man to make me happy.”
The danger of saying these sorts of things is that it alienates the beautiful truths of actually being in a holy, godly relationship. It eradicates the possibility of a relationship building someone more into the character of Christ.
Tear Down Your Walls
As a single Christian, it’s tempting to build a wall of pride, protection and security in your independence. It’s something we naturally do as humans because we don’t want to admit our inner ache of desire for someone to share life with. There is nothing wrong with being independent, but we are all dependent every single day on someone; we are already completely and utterly dependent upon our surrendering to God every single day.
In addition, it’s important to acknowledge that a romantic relationship doesn’t have to detract from our relationship with God. In fact, it’s what He has planned for many of us. “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18)
Of course, not everyone desires to be in a relationship, and some are alone by choice like Paul. However, we still can’t allow ourselves to flaunt our pride in singleness; that will create a callous around one’s heart to the point where they can’t even share in joy when a friend is getting married or is in a God-honoring relationship.
Stop The Comparisons
Being single is a lovely season, of course, but it doesn’t need to be looked upon as some sort of character trait. Being single is nothing fancier, holier or better than being in a relationship, just as being married shouldn’t be seen as being better than being single. One is not closer to God because they are single; perhaps their time is more devoted to specific things of God, but it doesn’t mean their heart is closer to God than a married person’s and vice versa.
We need to uplift each other in whatever season we each find each other in. Single, almost single or forever single, we need to get over our own feelings and lift up relationships that strive to serve God above all else. We all belong to the Father, first and always.
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