We wear shirts proclaiming we want “the good life.” Songs are written about the good life. People want the good life, a blessed life, yet they rarely plan and prepare for making the decisions and choices that create a life God can bless!

There is a big disconnect between what believers know is God’s will and how people actually live. For example, as many as 80 percent of unmarried evangelical young adults have had sex, 64 percent have done so within the last year and 42 percent are in a current sexual relationship, according to a study on sexual activity by Relevant magazine.

What We Want: A Blessed Life

We claim we want God’s blessings, but how do we actually get them? Just look at the bible for clues:

  • For it is You who blesses the righteous man, O Lord, You surround him with favor as with a shield. (Ps 5:12 NASB)
  • Lord, o good to those who are good, to those who are upright in heart. (Psalm 125:4 NIV 2011)
  • My shield is God Most High, who saves the upright in heart. (Psalm 7:10 NIV 2011)
  • May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you. (Psalm 25:21 NIV 2011).
  • Vindicate me, O Lord, for I have led a blameless life; I have trusted in the Lord without wavering. (Psalm 26:1 NASB)
  • Because of my integrity, you uphold me and set me in your presence forever. (Psalm 41:12 NIV 2011)
  • He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. (Proverbs 2:7-8 NIV 1984)
  • Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out. (Proverbs 10:9 NIV 2011)
  • The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity. (Proverbs 11:3 NIV 2011)

What is the common denominator of all these verses? Integrity. God is looking to bless those who obey His guidelines for life, including His guidelines for relationships.

What God Wants: Your Obedience

When writing “10 Best Decisions a Single Can Make,” I looked up the key words in 1 Thes. 4:3-8. I have inserted their meanings in the parenthesis so the interpretation and application can be seen more clearly:

“It is God’s will (His desire, decision and intent) that you should be sanctified (consecrated, set apart for a holy use): that you should avoid (abstain, distance yourself, keep away from) sexual immorality (fornication, consenting sex involving someone who is unmarried, all sex of any kind outside the context of the marital bed, including adultery, premarital and extramarital intercourse, homosexuality, prostitution, and other perversions); that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy (consecrated, dedicated to God) and honorable (respectful and treating as if it has high precious value), not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God (people who do not believe in God, or have yet to realize or perceive God); and that in this matter, no one should wrong or take advantage (exploit or outwit, often motivated by greed or self-indulgence) of a brother or sister.” —1 Thes. 4:3-6

To get what we want, we just need to do what God wants. Easier said than done, right? Check out Part 2 of this dating guide to find out exactly how you can achieve this level of sexual integrity in today’s dating culture.

You may also be interested in How To Follow God’s Will For Dating & Sex: Part 2

  1. So as a subscriber in my 60’s I’m paying the ChristianMingle subscription fee to be guilted for my desire for a consentual, monogamous sexual relationship with a woman who wants to grow with me toward marriage? Maybe that “no sex until marriage” piece works for teenagers; it doesn’t work for us widowers and divorcees, who’ve leared it’s the quality of the relationship that our growing faith seeks to enhance at the right juncture, with increasing physical intimacy.

    The ideal of life-long monogamous marriage is great, and I bless those of you who have been able to keep your marriages committed, lively and fulfilling at every age. But your ideals should not be used to judge and condemn those of us who–for whatever reason, have not been able to embrace that life-long ideal Sexual misdeeds are not the unpardonable sin! (Didn’t I just see an article on here about Forgiveness?! Isn’t THAT what the Christian message is all about, instead of this over-emphasis on virginity?)

    1. That guilt you are feeling is conviction. A bible believing Christian of any age should follow the word of God. Abstinence is a commandment of wisdom for our protection. If you find yourself resenting God’s wisdom, it may be time to examine yourself and see if you’re in the faith (2 Cor 13:5).

      1. Scripture states that people are known by their fruits.

    2. Oh my goodness! Why are you being critical at the authors who are only quoting God’s message in the bible? What do you mean “over-emphasis on virginity?” Why are you on this site if you do not like the message Christ has made clear in the scriptures. There are so many other sites that feel sex before marriage is just fine. Why don’t you look up these scriptures so you have a better understanding of what it means to be on a christian dating site. And yes, God does want us to forgive but that does not mean one has a pass to willingly sin without consequences.

      1Corinthians 7:8-9; Hebrews 12:14-17; Matthew 15:19-20; 1Corinthians 6:9-10

      I hope you take the time to look at scripture and what it has to say about sex before marriage.

      1. My, how easy it is for so-called Christians to judge the thoughts of others! I had offered this in all honesty, to stimulate some fresh thinking on the part of older singles who see their growth toward physical imtimacy in a more clear-eyed way, since we are no longer hormones-laden teenagers. Instead we are serious and committed mature adults who see sex as gift, given for the extension of intimacy and trust.

        It’s apparent that those who have responded are still stuck in that Old Testament legalism whereby everything in prilnt there is a mandate for all Christians for all times. The Old Testament had many writers in different eras for the children of Abraham. Christians are under an entirely different covenant. Check it out!

        1. I appreciate your thoughts but all my scriptures came from the new testament. You may see it as judging but I am only quoting scripture. I believe the bible is God’s word and that is what I go by. If you read the bible, the old testament is referenced in the new testament. The ten commandments were written during the old testament but do not become null and void in the new testament. All our “fresh” thinking should be based on what God’s word says…My intent was not to make you feel judged. I also am a “mature single Christian”, widowed as well. Sex is a gift but God clearly says it is designed for marriage. It is an “extension of intimacy and trust”, but that does not change what God says about it in the scriptures. I am assuming you are a christian (a follower of Jesus Christ) so I am just suggesting, read the scriptures and see what God says. The bible says God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts. By the way, you should re-read your post that began this conversation…it seemed very sarcastic and critical toward the authors who where giving their opinion based on scripture. Let’s ALL remember to take the log out of our own eye before we start pointing fingers at others. Thank you again for your thoughts.

          1. You take great liberty in making such blanket, air-tight statements about the will of God for each single mature person seeking what is best in their individual circumstances. We don’t stand before God as a herd–we satnd before God as individuals (Sorry, I can’t provide you a quick “proof-text” from the Bible to back up that assertion; some conclusions are rather self-evident.

            I see you want to argue all these finer points and make me wrong, so I’m backing out. Sorry I even brought it up. I was trying to stimulate some thinking and conversation among mature Christians, regarding the changing face of sexual expression in their lives as they age and their circumstances change. I’m not encouraging any big “sin” here–just that we claim our birthright in all it’s dimensions, wrapped in God’s forgiveness and the guidance of the Holy Spirit in our individual lives and circumstances. Sorry I brough it up. I won’t ever make that mistake again as the staunch legalists on here dominate the discission with their quick, glib judgments backed up by their proof-texts. I’m not nearly so successful in keeping God in such a little box!

      2. Someone didn’t get the memo about “He must increase. I must decrease” and dying to oneself by being “crucified with Christ”. When I last checked, these Scriptures were in the New Testament. The Lord is the same yesterday, today and forever.

  2. Life is awesome. Keep God in focus. Waiting is the best term in this season.

  3. I am really greatful finding this wonderful article..as I am struggling to maintain my standard to obey God. God is giving me strength as I see that his prescription for good life is always relevent even for today.. “Thank you God for encouraging me through this article…”

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