There are underlying notions, ideals, and stereotypes that define love in our culture. Add in our own expectations for what love looks like, and you’ve set the stage for potential disappointment long before it ever shows up. The moment our ideals and expectations get derailed, we have just invited fear disguised as cynicism to conquer our love.
Fear Is The Beginning Of Frustration
You may be one of many frustrated people looking for the right someone. It may feel like intimate relationships just aren’t working out for you. There are a lot of reasons we choose skepticism and fear over love. The number one reason is pain and hurt. It is our human nature to learn that the stove is hot after we have been burned. But a stove is a good thing when used properly. A lot of the pain in our life comes at the cost of our inexperience – not because all men or women are the same.
Fear affects the way we shape and grow our love, the way we interpret and sense someone else’s love, and worst of all – it affects our ability to open our heart to receive love. When you fear all the good ones are taken, or that the love you want can’t exist, you shut down opportunities for love to grow.
Skepticism Stole Your Blessing
There are three kinds of people I have encountered in life, when it comes to love. There are those who are always hopeful, and are willing to take necessary risk for the love-of-a-lifetime reward. These people usually have a “I’ve got nothing to lose, and everything to gain” attitude.
The second type of person is one who is overly cautious and skeptical about the intentions and motives of others. These people may admit to a close and trusted source, that they do desire a lifetime of love with a special person, but feel like the risk is too dangerous.
The last type of person is one who does not involve themselves with this kind of love. They live happily without feeling a need or desire for an intimate relationship.
My experience has shown me (thus far) that there are more people in the second category than in the other two combined. Many of the people I have interacted and counseled with believe that they were created for love and intimacy. They have told me how much they have to give to the right person, and how certain they are in their ability to be an incredible mate. The only problem is they can’t see the harm of their own skepticism and cynicism. They repel more opportunities than they attract. Cynicism is stealing the very blessing they are waiting for.
Choose Love No Matter What
Often, we make something out to be more difficult than it is by the story we make up about it in our mind. Take skydiving for instance; the first thought that comes to mind for some people is “I could never do that.” Is that really true? What they’re really saying is “I’m afraid to do that.”
The story we make up about love, the opposite sex, relationships and our future affects every decision and action we take right now. Intimate love is always uncertain. That is what makes it so intense. Love that is based entirely on certainty is dull, boring and unchanging. To love is to grow. It is essentially signing up to be stretched, pulled and shaped in a wonderful way. Yes, there will be misunderstandings and disappointments. But as the saying goes, “I would rather have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.”
Kicking fear, skepticism and cynicism to the curb and choose love not matter what! There is not a success story in the world where two people fell in love without the risk of pain, hurt, rejection or loss.
If the idea of dating, love, vulnerability and intimacy drives your skepticism through the roof – try letting go and finding hope again. Try choosing love instead. People who choose love no matter what are the ones who end up finding it!
You may also be interested in You’ve Gotta Have Faith: 3 Reminders That God Has Someone For You