So many girls believe it’s their responsibility to pursue guys they like. It’s no wonder why- a lot of single men aren’t doing it!  Some boys are shy, nervous, or afraid of rejection, while others are so used to being flirted with, that they wait for girls to initiate dating.    

Going beyond just being nice and encouraging, women often feel like they have to act aggressively toward their crushes in hopes that the men will reciprocate their advances and seek a serious relationship with them in return.   

When I was single, I found this game exhausting and unnatural. While it may have produced a few (bad!) dates for me, it never led to a Godly relationship. 

A Strong Man

The Lord loves us more than we can fathom and wants us to entrust every part of our lives to Him. I fear too many women forget this and lose confidence as they take matters into their own hands by going after guys. Instead, women need to realize they are worthy of being pursued. 

Girls must also understand that God desires for them to marry a man who is strong in Christ. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Jesus loved the church (Eph. 5). Jesus did not love the church in a passive, timid, and scared way, but rather with assertiveness and great courage; He was its loving and selfless leader.

Roles and patterns in relationships are established early and are often difficult to change once a couple walks down the aisle. If a guy isn’t strong enough to begin a relationship without a woman’s leadership and persuasion, how can she expect him to be the kind of husband to her that God calls him to be in Ephesians?  

God Gives Strength 

The Bible tells us that God, through His Holy Spirit, gives strength to His people. I know from experience that the Lord is powerful to strengthen men in dating situations. 

My now-husband David was a work acquaintance of mine at the White House. I never realized that he had a crush on me, but was too shy to initiate anything romantic.   

Things were different three years later. Instead of feeling scared about asking me on a date like he had before, David fearlessly pursued me and took the lead – not even feeling a hint of uneasiness. We began dating and were engaged a few months later; He is a wonderful husband to me today.

David knows it was the Lord who gave him the courage to ask me out. He was always nervous around girls, so for him to feel so strong with me was supernatural and not of him. Furthermore, David knows God provided strength at just the right time. A relationship would not have worked three years earlier because David was not a believer in Jesus then. The Lord waited to bring us together until he was saved and we could be equally yoked in Christ.

What Should Women Do?

Girls, there is nothing wrong with being friendly to the guys you’re interested in; in fact, you should be approachable, open, and kind! However, it is not on your shoulders to be the leader and to chase guys until they ask you out. 

Regardless of whether your future husband is typically timid around women, like my David was, or whether he is accustomed to having girls initiate and is passive in the dating game, God is able and willing to give him the strength to pursue you without your urging or manipulation. You need to believe in His power to do this.

You also need to pray. Prayer is truly the most powerful and active thing you can do as you wait for a spouse. 

Pray that the Lord will bless your future husband with the boldness to ask you out and that he will be the leader in your relationship from the get-go. Ask that your paths will cross at just the right time and that he will be wise and obedient to pursue you when the Lord directs him. 

Also, pray for your wisdom. The dating world is hard to navigate and can be so incredibly confusing; you need God’s help each day. Ask the Lord to strengthen your faith in Him and to guide your actions toward men.

God loves you and will hear your prayers.  Trust in Him!