Tired of the annoying comments on your dating life – or lack of one?

Having been single for a lot of my life, I can honestly say I hated nothing more than having people tell me about how much worse it could be. It felt invalidating – as if my feelings about wanting to have a life mate weren’t as important as my friend’s feelings.

What if my response to their complaint about Little Johnny not getting into some foo foo preschool was along the same lines as their response to my dating worries? “Oh, well, he’s not that bright anyway. I mean, save the money for Harvard and put it into a strong arm for grocery checking. Can he say ‘Paper or Plastic?’ Excellent!”

The only great thing about not being a Christian at the time of my singlehood is I didn’t have to endure the clichés so many of my single Christian friends have to endure.

Here are 10 complaints about well-meaning advice I hear over and over from them. And, because I’m cheeky, I added a fun response that, of course, we must keep to ourselves… because Jesus says so. (Be gone, Satan! Even if she deserves it!)

The one who desires life, to love and see good days, must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from seeking deceipt. 1 Peter 3:10

10 Cliches on Being Single with 10 Fantasy Land Responses

1.Being single is a gift. Thanks, but if it’s a present, I’d like to exchange it for something more exciting. Like Hugh Jackman. Or a trip to Maui. With 1000 hot male practicing Christians. Nope, you can’t come! Singles with tact only!

2.It’s not cancer. True. What do they call the disease that pours out of your mouth?

3.Being married is no picnic. Thanks for the newsflash. I’m being more selective than you, so I’ll take my chances. Hey, can you ask your husband to stop staring at my chest in church?

4.It’s all in God’s timing. So I hear. It’s just, I don’t have 40 years to wander like the Israelites. And speaking of God’s timing, I don’t have time for you right now. Be blessed!

5.God wants you to be patient. If I have to wait on this conversation much longer, I’m going to go up in flames like a burning bush. Don’t make me smote you.

6.Being alone is Godly. You’re about to feel like Christ himself, because I’m out of here.

7.At least you aren’t single with kids. Oh, not true. Four kids, four different daddies. They live in foster care. I visit at Christmas which is why I’m never here on the holidays.

8.It’s worth it to wait for a strong Christian guy. Really? Because Howie Zuckerman two cubicles over wants me to be his goy toy and I’m thinking, “Oy, vey, unequally yoked might be underrated.”

9.Stop being so picky. You’re right. That dude double my age at the gas station with the hair lip and the hump back? I need to view him through God’s eyes. Lord knows he enjoys viewing me every time I buy my carton of cigarettes. Oh, yes, I smoke! At least I don’t have cancer! See #2

10.Things could be worse. Yes, I could have to deal with your spouse, and your kids. I’d rather be single a while longer.

For those of you who have ever felt like this, please know that I’ve been there, done that. For those of you who think I’m a terrible person, I’m going to humbly, in my best Christian-eaze, ask your forgiveness. I promise I would never say any of my inner thoughts out loud. But what happens in my own head is all mine. Ooooh, it’s a party in there sometimes.

In closing, for those of you who are a bit more disgruntled than you want to be (and you know who you are) I want to humbly and sincerely remind you that yes, things could be worse than being single. I say this not to chastise you, but to remind you to keep your problems in perspective. I say it to remind me of this as well.

At least it’s not a stroke

No joke, at last being single is not like surviving a stroke in your twenties. Our very own contributor, Michelle Wulfestieg, wrote a book about a two devastating strokes she had – one when she was 11, and another at 25. The second stroke left her in a coma for ten days. When she woke up, she had to re-learn everything, from talking to walking. There were times when she could have given up, but she didn’t. 

Sometimes at night, after a long day with my kids and work, I sit on the couch and read through this book. In a first person narrative, Michelle takes us with her every step of the way. It’s brutal at times, and heart wrenching, but always full of hope. It’s a wonderful reminder to me that as Christians we cannot give up. We must always hold onto the promises God gives us.

Do you have a dream about a future spouse? A future job? A better relationship with your spouse and kids? Don’t give up. Like the title of Michelle’s book, All We Have Is Today

Leave a comment: Anyone out there single and tired of cliches? Have anything new to add? Leave it here. Visit me on Facebook, too!