Conflict occurs in your daily life on a regular basis, whether it’s spats between husband and wife or a misunderstanding in the workplace.
Many times, the resolution to a disagreement can be as simple as an apology. However, an apology is only as meaningful as the honesty behind the words. The apology itself can be the most difficult part in resolving a conflict because so many people find it difficult to offer the words in sincerity. Understanding the reason behind your unwillingness to apologize can be the biggest step toward a sincere apology in order to resolve a conflict.
It’s Not about Giving in or Who Is Winning
Many times, people are hesitant to apologize because they feel that it means they are giving in to the other person. However, life is not about winning and losing when it comes to relationships. The only person that can win in a relationship is the person that is helping to fortify the bond and keep the relationship strong.
And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand. —Mathew 12:25
Rather than thinking of an apology as a defeat in an argument, think of it as a tool you can use to help to maintain a stable relationship.
No One Is without Blame
A big part of why some may be hesitant to offer an apology is because they don’t feel they’re wrong. Oftentimes, people offer the argument of, “Why should I apologize if I did nothing wrong?” However, in any conflict, there are wrongdoings from both parties, whether it’s miscommunication, lashing out against the other person or just ignorance of another’s feelings. Understanding that no one is without blame can be a step toward your willingness to apologize.
So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. —John 8:7
Apologizing and Forgiveness Go Hand-in-Hand
One aspect of the unwillingness to apologize is the anger that can be held against the other person. It can be difficult to apologize when there are still hurt feelings lingering from the conflict. Letting go of anger, bitterness and resentment can be a huge step in reconciling through an apology.
Forgiveness is often mistaken as something that is meant to give others a pass in their actions against you. However, forgiveness is more of a tool that helps to release the anger that can reside in you.
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. —Ephesians 4:31-32
Difficulty Can Bring Reward
Life is not about only partaking in things that you want to do; it is about going through times both good and bad, while keeping your faith in the Lord. While you may not want to apologize after a conflict, it’s important to think about the reward rather than the actual moment at hand.
Just as you may not want to go to work every day, you can take pride in a job well done or the monetary compensation from what you earn. Giving yourself over to the Lord, forgiving others who have wronged you and sending out apologies when you have wronged others is a reward in and of itself.
But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. —Hebrews 11:6
Apologizing after a conflict isn’t something that should be looked upon as a something that demeans your feelings or diminishes your worth. An apology can greatly strengthen a relationship and help to quell future conflicts. Understanding the cause behind your unwillingness to apologize can help to strengthen your resolve in your relationship and in the Lord.