“They have no sense of shame.  The live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity.  But that isn’t what you learned about Christ.” Ephesians 4:19-20 NLT

As a young single woman, I believed that sex and love were one and the same. I cannot tell you enough that this is about as far from the truth as you can get. Yet we still believe that sex will maintain the relationship, will sustain the “love” that we feel. The only thing that intimacy outside the bounds of a marital relationship will do is bring a throbbing pain that goes deeper than you ever thought possible and has more consequences than you were ever able to imagine. Unfortunately, I know from experience.

I have discovered the hard way that sex is more than just physical stimulation or a way to show someone you love them, although the world will tell you differently. The world says to do what makes you feel good; it’s your body, do with it what you want as long as it’s not hurting anyone. We are deceived into believing that the love will grow and intensify if we can just show each other how much we are in love.

What I have discovered is the exact opposite. 

You see, the problem with sex outside of marriage is that it is a scam. It resembles true intimacy but it is nothing of the like. It makes you believe that the intimacy within the relationship is more than what it really is. Extramarital sex uses the language of love and commitment, but knows nothing of either one. At our deepest level, we crave that true intimacy. It is the God-given hole in our heart that He designed in each of us that would hopefully lead us to Him. But instead of choosing Him, we spend countless hours, days or even years choosing others, choosing sex, seeking love in the world rather than allowing Him to love us in the only way that will fill that space in our hearts.

You see, I spent many, many years looking for love in all the wrong places, drinking seven nights a week because it was the only way to numb the pain from my past. I spent at least five of those nights in someone else’s bed, usually a stranger, because it was the only way to relieve the loneliness. The pain of my past had caused so much emotional turmoil that I began feeling lonely, rejected, angry and resentful. I would have said yes to anyone so I could feel the euphoria of love just for a moment. What I didn’t know is that the ecstasy wouldn’t last and, in reality, it wasn’t real at all. I was being lied to by the enemy of my soul. I didn’t know that God was the only one who could cure all the turmoil inside. I didn’t even know that ultimately, God is who I was actually searching for. God is love and if we find Him, we unmistakably find love.

His Word says to seek Him and you will find Him. I challenge you to seek Him through prayer, reading His Word, wise counsel and the numerous other ways you will find Him. You will not be disappointed. 

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