In reality, there may not be the “perfect date,” but that should not keep you from trying. Besides, in our world today, you really do not have a valid excuse for not trying. You have something men did not have just a few years ago—you have the Internet!

One of the most frustrating things a guy can encounter is when he goes to a lot of effort in planning a date and his date doesn’t respond like he thought she would. 

Take Time to Study Her!

How can you avoid that frustration? Study her! Find out what she likes and does not like. If you can find out her love language, that can be a huge advantage. Say her love language is acts of service. You can spend part of the date doing something to serve her. Maybe she needs something done around her house or apartment. Maybe her car needs an oil change. I know, those do not sound very romantic; but if her love language is acts of service, you will hit it out of the park. On the other hand, if her love language is not acts of service, you might put out a lot of effort and get a ho-hum response. If her love language is gifts, give her a small, reasonably priced gift. If it is words of affirmation, shower her with encouraging words. If it’s quality time, plan a fun, interactive date. If it is physical touch, find out what her number two love language is!

Give Her Options

This can really be a plus. Come up with two ideas for a date that you think would really be fun, and then ask her opinion. If you think she’ll say that she doesn’t care or that she wants you to decide, try this: Ask her to rate your ideas on a one-to-ten scale, with ten being the best. Make sure you ask her to do this before you tell her they are date options. You want her to think you are just doing a survey when in reality you are gathering info to make the perfect date.

Keep Your Expectations Realistic

A sure way for your perfect date to fall flat is for you to have unrealistic expectations. If you are expecting her to give you a thousand high fives and post all over social media about her incredible date, you are probably setting yourself up for some disappointment. Women show their appreciation in different ways. If you are limiting her choices by your expectations, you are putting her in a box—and that’s not fair to either of you.

The “Perfect Date” Is . . .

So what’s the perfect date? The perfect date is when you spend time with her and at the end of the date you both feel more connected than you did at the beginning. It is not about the special restaurant. That’s nice, but a restaurant alone will not carry a date. Neither will the sports car you rented for the night or the front-row tickets to an event. Don’t get me wrong. Those things are great, and I have done them all. (Actually, I never rented a sports car, but I did buy one. Most of my friends still swear that car was the only way I got Nancy to go out with me in the first place. They may be right, but I got the girl of my dreams!) 

The “perfect date” is you! It’s your personality, your heart, your empathy, your love of the Lord that comes through in everything you say and do. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to be someone you are not. Be yourself, and keep being yourself until God puts that woman in front of you who thinks you are the “perfect date.”

Dr. Kim


7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage is Dr. Kim’s new book published by Zondervan and available everywhere July 28th.

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