Her question was a mixture of anger, shock and deep pain. At least she was honest enough to admit that her anger wasn’t only directed toward her ex-husband, but that she was also angry with God. Some women never recognize that, leaving them unable to move beyond their pit of suffering, their bondage of bitterness.

But my friend freely admitted that her anger involved Him, too. “God let this happen!” She was stunned by divorce papers and within a few months, her husband of more than two decades had married another. It was as though their lives as “one” had never occurred.

Sadly, I’ve heard the same story repeated hundreds of times; there are different faces and different names, but all with the same picture of broken dreams and shattered hopes.

Does God Deserve The Blame?

Could God have prevented the destruction? Where is God when a marriage disintegrates?

He’s there, right in the midst of your pain and confusion. You are not alone. He sees and He knows all you are facing, and He cares. But He will not force His righteous and good choices on you or your husband. You have to make those for yourself.

A marriage doesn’t disintegrate over night. There is a myriad of self-centered choices, multiplied by weeks of selfish inclinations, and sometimes years of self-exalting activity. That sounds pretty extreme, doesn’t it? But if we’re honest, we all know that it’s true; it is never all one person’s fault – there is usually plenty of blame to share.

It’s by God’s grace when any marriage begins to actually walk in His definition of love.

Finding Hope

When in pain, when you want to rail at God, when you want to curl up and die, when you’re screaming that you don’t deserve this … go to the cross. Remember what Jesus walked through in order to provide you with new life, freedom from the bondage of self-centered living and hope for the future.

This is what you rejoice in; this is what you cling to in your pain:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory… —1 Peter 1:3–8

For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth.

When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. —1 Peter 2:21–24

Dear friend, are you suffering today? How can we pray for you?