Of all the seasons of my life thus far, I dare say this is one of the most difficult. The other day the negative phone calls, the critical emails, the frustrating people and the outstanding bills began to settle in my soul. As the sun started to set, I went for a walk through my neighborhood.
Down the street were bright-blue blooming hydrangea bushes, deep-red rose bushes and the greenest grass that hot days offer. The cool summer evening air settled on my skin and I took one of the deepest breaths my lungs could hold.
I slowly exhaled and thought, “Life. Exhausts. Me.”
A hot wooden bench at a nearby park beckoned me to sit where I could allow my mind to drift. I sat down to notice three kids chasing down a soccer ball. Memories of my childhood summers came to mind while I watched them play.
Back then, summers enticed me with things like snow cones. I would pretend it was flavored snow from the Swiss Alps. Or carefree bike rides where I mastered being able to stand on the bike seat while the bike was still moving [major skills, major]. I had my own bike-circus in our cul-de-sac. And even pool water that turned my hair green made me believe I could be a mermaid.
Lazy childhood summer days. I knew who I was. Life was cool and fun. And if I didn’t know the answer, most likely my dad did.
So as my mind teetered from my dreamy childhood to full-blown-hormones-and-everything womanhood, I thought about this verse: “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.” [1 Corinthians 13:11]
Those are some fighting words. But the truth is, sometimes I need to hear it. I’m not a child anymore. I’m a grown woman who has responsibilities. Life is not always going to be cool and fun. And apparently, snow cones are not good for the hips. But just because we have days [weeks, months or years] that drain us doesn’t mean we should take the melodramatic response of thinking our entire life is a hot-mess.
~ Growing up [in faith] is being able to look past the circumstances of today and lose myself in God’s passion for my future.
~ Growing up [in faith] means it is more important to know who I am, rather than who I was or who I want to be.
~ Growing up [in faith] teaches me that just because Jesus told us not to worry [Matthew 6:34] doesn’t mean we live in denial.
While growing up offers many challenges it also offers a mature attitude and perspective. I alone am responsible for the condition of my heart. Hardships will come, days will be trying but seasons will change.
So today, I’m taking that deep breath again and exhaling these truths.