In his book, False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction, Dr. Harry Schaumburg cuts right to the heart of what it means to be addicted to sex while examining the roots behind these behaviors. It unpacks different aspects of sexual addiction, including shame, purity and forgiveness while exploring one’s true identity and God-given sexuality.
As women, you might say, “I’m not addicted to sex! I just want to find a nice man to start a family!” That may be so, but the underlying issues of this book might very much describe the intensity for which you are looking for your mate.
In simple words, are you making an idol out of your search for a man, or perhaps making your boyfriend an idol?
Like the addicts in Schaumburg’s book, do you only feel validated when you are in a relationship?
Does your world fall apart if he breaks up with you?
Here are just a few questions to ask yourself to see if your relationship is healthy or not. These questions are in the context of a breakup and come from celebrity addiction expert Sherry Gaba:
The Addiction Quiz
1. As the relationship is ending you feel worthless, valueless and that your life is ending. You may have had thoughts of self-harm or even suicide.
2. You are undergoing a major change in the way that you think, act and behave as a way to try to win back your partner.
3. You refused to accept the breakup and tell friends that you are on a break or that the relationship is on solid ground.
4. You are actively chasing the other person, arranging to “accidentally” run into them or even following them either in the real world or through social networking and media sites.
5. You think about the relationship all the time and feel constant anxiety about a future of being alone.
If you can answer yes to one or more of these questions, it’s important to get help from a trusted counselor or pastor.
Get Support to Break the Chains of Addiction!
If you don’t have a home church yet, or you don’t have the funds to see a therapist, consider a 12-step program such as this one. At the heart of any 12-Step program, it’s not about just about “taking out” a harmful action – it’s about “replacing” it with something healthy.
A 12-Step Program? But I’m Christian!
12-Step programs admit that there is something greater than ourselves that can restore us to health. With the case of Christian women who are addicted to men, we must admit that we are powerless over our sin and that only in a relationship with Jesus – not a man – can we transcend, transform, and live the amazing life God intended for us.
If you’re not comfortable attending a 12-Step for Sex Addiction, 12-Step programs such as Al-Anon are just as powerful in learning how to detach from what we can’t change. In this case, we might not be able to change our “nature,” but we can detach from it to make more positive choices in our lives with the help of God directing every step.
Yes, You Can Be Intimate with Someone Before Marriage
That person is Jesus. Intimacy literally means “Into me see.” In next week’s newsletter, we’ll discuss what it means to first have a healthy relationship with Jesus. Once you are on that path, you will find meeting the physical man of your dreams to be so much easier – not to mention healthier!
We’re so excited you’re enjoying these newsletters.
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Do you want to discuss any other topics? Write to Andrea @ APaventi@Spark.net. She’d love to hear from you!
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