I’ve been going through some changes.
The genesis of all of it has to do with something that happened to me 10 days ago. It wasn’t an experience with God I’d ever been told about. I didn’t know it existed. It does, right there in Scripture and for 10 years now (or more) I’ve completely missed it!
But after I got over the initial shock and discomfort, I went ahead and dove into the deep end of the pool. I let “God do the thing that only God can do.” —St. Augustine
He opened my eyes to a new way of knowing Him, of Him living in me and, of course, the freedom of meeting Him there.
He baptized me in His Holy Spirit.
There are some of you out there mentally giving me a high five / fist bump / side hug right now. Others are saying, “Wha???” Still others are saying, “That is way too far out there for me, only crazy emotional charismatic people talk like that!”
I’m in no position to convince you of the truth of this experience. I’m only saying that I know in the pit of my gut what has happened to be true. I am at the starting line of a new course of the race of faith.
I love it. I love how the Lord, in just a short period of time, has opened my eyes, mind and heart to know and love Him more. It’s more than that – I’m more capable of knowing His love. Yah, I know that’s out there. I know what I’m saying maybe weird and uncomfortable. The fact that my intellectual mind can even move my fingers to type these words is a miracle of His power.
The other evidence, which may only be apparent to me at this point, is startling. I’m not ready to go into details, but I thought I knew this faith thing pretty well. Oh, my pride!
The Lord in His mercy showed me there is ALWAYS more of Him to experience. Of course, doubt crept in afterwards, the work of the enemy who is stripped of his power over me even more and now I know it. Makes me all the more determined to let the gifts and fruit be made manifest in my life.
Further surrender, more submission, more relinquishing of myself. In that, there is more awareness to the way to live and move and have my being in Him. I am open to the rhythm of His Spirit – directing me and taking me further away from a life full of shame and guilt and duty; into a life of peace and (spiritual) prosperity. I am further anchored, no, rooted and grounded in His love. It’s awesome.
It’s not a rebirth. It’s not a resurrection. It’s not salvation all over again. This is new, y’all. Full Gospel stuff.
There is a catch (isn’t there always?) I have to be available and I have to practice being available. There are times in the day, I’m finding, where my old habits kick in. Things of the natural start to grab hold of the blessings of the supernatural. That’s when things start to go sideways because I close up shop and just want to go to bed. I get tired, y’all. My endurance to stay at this new level of faith is being built up, so in the process, I backslide into my own strength.
Still, because I have more of Christ-in-me, more of the hope-of-this-calling, I turn back to Him sooner. I’m learning faster. I’m hungering more. I’m less faith-less. My mind and body are now completely subject to my spirit – which is, more than ever, connected to the Holy Spirit. It is so cool.
Please pray for me. Pray I will not get lukewarm or lose my passion for The Passion of Christ. I want to flow in response to God’s leading, not force my way or try to push through. I’m strong, I’m really good at pushing through. Yet, when the Spirit says rest, I want to rest. When the Spirit says let go, I want to let go. When the Spirit says get up and go, I want to … you get the idea. What God-the Holy Spirit says, I want to hear … and respond to immediately.
It is Him that I’m chasing now, more than even the good and glorious gifts He gives. More to come!