Oh, you don’t know who the secret crush is in your life? Well, maybe that’s because you have become too comfortable with looking forward to seeing the daycare girl, the grocery girl, the after work girl or even the church girl. Still not following?
A True Story
My buddy told me a story the other day about a married friend of his who had a “daycare girl”, and yes it was at the church daycare. Each time this married man would show up to church, he would gladly take the kids over to the daycare. Why? Because he wanted to see his “hush crush.” In other words, he looked forward to seeing a woman that worked there that hit all the right points for him. I can’t verify if it was her look, her fragrance, her hair or just her personality, but something drew him in. That something was slowly destroying his marriage and he couldn’t even see it.
Personally, I can’t say that I have never struggled in this area. Early in my marriage and before I truly understood the consequences, I would somehow spot a beautiful woman. If I was at work, I’d get distracted with one woman in particular. If I went out with friends to a restaurant, a particular waitress might catch my eye and, you guessed it, I’d keep going back for looks. It required no communication between the two of us, the looking and wondering was enough. These innocent occasions became a primary contributor to the decay of my marriage. But now, I take action to protect my marriage.
Think It Won’t Happen To You? Think Again.
There are a few types of guys who think they’re immune to these kinds of temptations. First off, the newlywed man might not get what I’m saying. Why? Because when marriage is new and fresh, his bride is every bit his crush. In most cases, both spouses have attempted to be at the top of their game for each other and there is very little history to make you want or think you need another woman.
Hear my words newlywed men: do everything you can to protect your marriage right from the start! Understand that looking at other women with lustful eyes will only damage the view you have for your bride. No matter what, do everything you can to make her the only woman gaining your affection. If you find yourself being brought into the beauty of another woman, do what you can to control your emotions and get out of the situation.
The second type of man who might not understand is the man in denial. Typically, this will be the man who has been married for some time. The years have maybe taken its toll on the marriage and there is plenty of history to use as excuses. He might have one woman in particular he likes, or he might have multiples set up at different areas.
If you’re one of these men, stop, look and listen to the signs. Are you in denial about the habits, thoughts and actions that are threatening your marriage? Are you blatantly permitting your marriage to be destroyed? Just because the years have rolled on or the communication has dried up, it doesn’t permit you to fix your issues by finding someone else. Find help now! Get out of your comfort zone and talk about your marriage concerns with a trustworthy and stable married male friend or pastor. Hiding your problems will eventually force you out of your comfort zone in a much more costly way. Let him know what has been going on in your marriage and seek to find a resolution to your problems before it’s too late. Whatever you do, do not seek advice on how to fix your marriage from one of the women you secretly (or openly) like.
If you think your situation is different or requires more specialized attention, please contact me. Let’s talk it out.
What Does The Bible Say?
A great section of verses for this type of scenario can be found in Matthew 19:1. The Pharisees are doing their classic test questions against Jesus about the topics of marriage and divorce.
Jesus responded with some critical information for them and for us. Having a secret crush is sexual immorality, and it’s one of the only reasons it is acceptable to entertain divorce. Another important thing to note is that husbands are to cleave to their wife, not their secret crush. Dig in and read the rest of this verse section if you haven’t yet. Start praying now that, if you’re in this scenario, God will bring closure and clarity to your situation.
The Bottom Line
Your wife should be the only crush you have in your life (other than Jesus). She is the one you vowed your love to for the rest of your life. To seek a crush elsewhere would question your integrity. It would violate the very laws of what it means to be a good and faithful husband. Here’s why:
- Because you’re are a one-woman man, and your wife deserves your all.
- Because a secret crush will destroy you and your marriage.
- Because Jesus has made you one flesh with your wife. To betray your wife would be to betray Jesus.
Having trouble giving up your crush? Here are three tips to help you move on:
- Open up and be honest about your situation with a friend. Confess it, explain it, seek forgiveness and start working past it.
- The next time the opportunity comes up to see your crush, man up and get out of there. If it’s someone that’s part of your regular routine, change things up or get in and out as quickly as possible.
- Get humble and start praying for your wife and your marriage. Make your focus more on Jesus and your wife. It’ll change everything.
If you’re able to avoid distractions and stay focused on your marriage, you’ll be much happier in the long run. Your “new crush” days are over; start thinking of your wife as your “forever crush” and watch your marriage grow stronger every day.