As the visions of that fairy tale “happily ever after” fade and come crashing to a halt, you begin to replay a thousand reasons why divorce would make things so much easier. However these magical scenes of how things will be so much better if you didn’t have a husband or a wife are usually only perfectly played out in your mind, not real life. Here’s the reality of separating.
Your romantic dream probably started with the hope behind this, or similar, Bible verses:
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. —Proverbs 18:22
Now, you find yourself in a predicament where, as a husband, your wife is anything but a good thing; or as a wife, you feel unloved. The emotional turmoil you currently feel does not change the fact that, like it or not, divorce changes lives. Though, not in a way you may imagine.
Marriage is more than two starry-eyed lovers physically joining together to try to make life work. The day you stood before friends and family and spoke those infamous vows, something happened in the spiritual realm. The saying, “marriage is made in heaven” reveals more truth than most are willing to admit.
The Bible describes marriage as an amazing union that was intended to be a blessing and not a burdensome curse:
What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. —Mark 10:9
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. —Mathew 19:6
As if by magic, two separate people were united to become one complete package. Something else happened as well. The Holy Spirit joined the union and formed a braided cord that bound it all together.
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of thee strands is not quickly broken. —Ecclesiastes 4:12
Try to walk away from this, and you begin to unravel that amazing bond. It is like gluing together two pieces of paper and then trying to tear the pieces apart. It can’t be done without leaving pieces of paper still stuck to the other, now torn. You can dismiss these feelings and numbly face another day, but you will never regain your true individuality.
Even if your divorce is justified or unwanted, here are some aspects of your life that will not be the same:
If you thought putting an end to the arguments about money would make life happier, think again. According to bankruptcy law information, divorce is among three main reasons 91 percent of people go bankrupt.
The first expense is coming up with the money to pay an attorney and the courts to file for divorce papers. Once your divorce is finalized, your assets will be divided according to a court order and based upon how the two of you decide to parse it out.
Divorced individuals are now on their own to provide a living for themselves and any children that may have been a part of the marriage. If children are involved, one partner will pay child support, which is typically far more than when the two of you were willingly working together to cover child expenses.
Friends and In-Laws
Regardless of how amicable or brutal your separation is, a divorce forces friends and in-laws to choose sides. This often ends up creating unexpected hurt when a friend you thought was devoted to you backs away feeling awkward at being put in a position of loyalty.
It may seem as if divorce is so commonplace, happening to everyone around you, that the kids simply bounce back unscathed. According to a report from the Heritage Foundation, studies have revealed that even in an amicable divorce, children suffer and respond with struggles in schooling and relationships, and some even become suicidal.
Instead of contemplating the ways divorce could make your life easier, reflect on the promise you and your spouse made to God, friends, family and to one another. Communicate with one another- talk and talk until you can’t talk anymore. You may find that you and your spouse want the same things from your marriage and didn’t even know it.