Have you ever explored the world of online Christian dating? Whether this is your first time looking into this method of dating or if you are already familiar with it, you are probably looking your soul mate.

The question potentially running through your mind is, “How do I find this person??” Without a clear direction and strategy, you may find yourself overwhelmed with the dating process.

After working with many, many couples and individuals in therapy, I have several suggestions on how to find love with the right person for YOU!

1. Know what you are looking for.

You wouldn’t look for a house or a car without a list of desired features. Why should it be any different with a mate? Ask yourself what characteristics you desire? What personality would be most compatible with yours … Easy going, driven, serious, funny? What morals and values are critical in a mate? Once you have decided on what is important to you, stick with these requirements and choose not to deviate, or settle.

2. Know who YOU are.

Many of the men and women I work with are often searching for who they are. Maybe life circumstances have left you stuck in who you HAD to be. Now you get to discover who you really are. What do you like / dislike? What are your morals and values? What are the convictions in your life? Once you know who you are, you can then find the right mate to enhance your true self.

3. Be honest and transparent.

I often hear people on dating sites complaining about the vast misrepresentation on other’s profiles. This is why I suggest being totally honest about your looks, your personality, social status, etc. People you date will discover who you really are after one or two dates. Also, share openly about yourself on dates. I don’t recommend gushing every detail about yourself in the first hour, but I do suggest letting your date know more about the real you during each date.

4. Clearly communicate your expectations and boundaries to those you are dating.

If you are looking for a serious relationship, then be clear with your date that this is what you are looking for. This will surely shift through the people who are just looking to have fun. Have firm boundaries about what you are and are not willing to accept / tolerate in a relationship. Many people will see these boundaries and expectations as a strength in you.

5. Have fun!

Dating is an exciting journey. Make sure to enjoy the experience (and be honoring to God each step of the way).

If these tips seem overwhelming to you, such as discovering who you really are … you are not alone.


Many people struggle with knowing their true self. The good news is that I am here to help. I offer phone and Skype counseling to help guide you through this discovery. At the Center For Healing in Hansville, Washington, we also offer personal intensives, which entails two full days of counseling while you retreat away in a cottage on the Puget Sound.

You can email me at Teri@thecenterforhealing.org or see our website at www.thecenterforhealing.org

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