They have no sense of shame. The live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity. But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. —Ephesians 4:19-20, NLT
It took me a long time to understand that God’s instructions for sex are not prohibitive but guidelines designed to protect us; protect our mind, body, soul and our dignity, as well as protect the one we are with. They are guidelines that will thrust us into our God-given roles as men and women that honor Him as well as honor the one that will eventually become our spouse.
What I have finally come to understand is that sex is the most intimate and ultimate of all human giving and vulnerability. Sex does feel good, but hurts more deeply than you can ever imagine when you partake in it outside of a committed marital union.
Yes, it is your body, but not to do with what you want. It is a body given as a gift from our Creator meant to be a holy vessel through which He can serve His purposes that are always intended for your good. Through this one act of intimacy, we give ourselves so fully to one another that it only seems right that it take place in a union of total surrender between two people who have given themselves completely—body, mind and spirit—to one another.
I have come to understand through personal experience that to give someone your body without giving the rest of you, your mind (a total commitment by your will) and your spirit (your emotions and affections) is to separate the physical from the rest of the components of your being, which literally rips us to pieces at the depths of our soul. When God says that the two become one, He really means it.
A soul tie is formed and when this takes place through extramarital sex it divides us at our deepest level, giving out a part of us, without giving out the rest intended to go with it, and we wonder why intimate relationships hurt so badly when they come to an end. It is because we truly do become one flesh and when the relationship comes to an end we are ripped apart, left with an open, gaping wound.
Unfortunately many of us have the idea that we can do whatever we want with one part of our being, our bodies, and believe that there are no consequences for the other parts of our being. I, unfortunately, have lived those consequences because I was not taught that sexual intimacy was a beautiful and remarkable act created by God Himself for true intimacy with your spouse. In fact, I was taught and treated like quite the opposite. I suffered sexual abuse and abandonment as a child which shaped my ideas about sex and love.
Because of such, I have had to come to my own convictions and the reality of extramarital sex the hard way. My prayer is that you don’t have to do the same.
We cannot keep going through relationships believing that sexual intimacy will keep it together. It takes so much more. We can’t keep believing when he or she says they will be there tomorrow that they will be, and our way to ensure that is to show them how much we love them by giving all of ourselves. It doesn’t work. I promise.
Believe me: I have made all the excuses in the world of why this guy is different. But the reality is that it is not about the guy or girl at all. It is about who you are in Christ and the plan that He has for your life and your purity. I beg of you to keep the most sacred part of yourself in the hands of God. It is the only safe place for it to remain until your man or woman of God comes and takes you into their arms in a permanent union the way God designed it. Anything other than that only brings heartache and despair.
I encourage you to commit yourself to God and His plan for your life. Let Him love you like no one else can. He is faithful! If you feel like you have already failed, let me tell you this: GOD IS A GOD OF REDEMPTION! He uses ALL things to work together for His purposes! YOU ARE FORGIVEN! Bless you on your journey, single friend.