One day when I got home from work, I vented to my sister, saying, “My hair is so awful. Should I go pixie?” After laughing, she looked at me seriously and said, “None of that will even matter in five years, my love. Did you know you say at least one bad thing about yourself every day? I hear it.”

I had never realized I was doing it, but my sister noticed how I belittled myself about petty things over and over again, and it concerned her. How must God feel to hear my moments of self-hate, when all the while, he focuses on my heart?

Searching Your Heart

Nothing matters to God as much as your heart. He listens to it. He understands it. He waits for it and studies it. He wanted Samson, who lusted after beautiful women, to know this well:

“Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

Can you count how many times you have belittled yourself this past week? God is the least concerned with how you look on a daily basis. Instead, he’s busy searching your heart. What will he find there? Will he find discontentedness? Or will he find some beautiful remnant of light that seeks to glorify him more? As He told Jeremiah:

“I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.” Jeremiah 17:10 

Being Human

It’s okay if you have discontented moments; you’re only human, after all. But try to allow the goodness and grace of God to surpass that space in your heart. Try filling it with hope through His Word day and night. Fill your heart with prayer. Fill it with humble motives that will allow God to use you in grace-filled ways. It’s likely the joy you’ve been missing or the fulfillment of a desire you’ve longed for.

God seeks to perfect your faith in Him till the day He calls you home; that’s going to be a struggle if you’re constantly berating yourself and concerned with the outer appearances of life. Like my sister said, all of that simply won’t matter in the end. Appearance is a mirage; who we are lies past our aging bones and wrinkled skin and rests in the breath that still lingers inside of us all – the very breath of God breathed into Adam all those thousands of years ago.

While we are often sidetracked by our own weaknesses and insecurities, God is focusing on our worthiness within. The more we focus on sharpening our souls for the sake and purposes of Christ, the more we’ll be able to stand faithful when our flesh fails.