I’ve long wanted to sail. I’ve had such a beautiful view of it stashed away in my mind complete with details like a clam bake on the beach (never mind I don’t like clams), and the words “Martha’s Vineyard” (never been to Massachusetts, and can’t even spell the state — saved by spell check every time).
From the land, I can see the water, the boat. All of it. Once on board the boat, however, the details of the dream stop. Not too sure about that — the actual sailing part.
About five years ago, a kind family member, meaning well, asked me if I knew much about the way sailboats worked. I confessed, aside from “sailing” on the Banana River while at Girl Scout camp, I knew nothing. She shared something interesting.
When the sails catch the wind, and the boat begins to really move, it tips to the side … and at times it feels as though you’re nearly sideways. Sailboats were made to do that, but it can feel as if they are flipping over. If you aren’t expecting it, it can be terrifying.
My relaxing vision changed. I could feel my throat tighten. I quickly told her I take the dream back. I had no desire to sail sideways and almost fall in. No, thank you! Not for me.
Incredibly brave and wild, I knew it was bad when she said it even scared her a bit. I am a long-time worry-wart, with a constant stomach-ache, always convinced the best way is the safe way. Once I heard that, I decided there was no way I’d be climbing aboard anytime soon.
Maybe it’s due to the beautiful spring weather.
Maybe it’s because I’ve gone too long without the beach (for those unfamiliar with Florida, there are places that are actually quite far from the beach — ok, not talking Iowa-far — but far for us). Lately, though I’ve been feeling that pull. Because for years now, this sailing dream has not left. I’ve ignored it. Shoved it aside, but when I drive over a bridge, and see those sailboats in the water, I’m pulled there. And the pull has finally gotten stronger than the fear. So maybe these knocking knees are pointing me in the exact direction I need to go.
As the God-sized Dream Team begins to wrap up … we are asked this week: “We’ve been walking the path of God-sized dreams together for a few months now. Will you share an update with us about your dream? Let us know where you are with it—the happy and the hard. Tell us how we can pray for you and your dream too.”
When I applied to be on this team, never did I think my dream would change and grow into what it has. And as of this day, I can’t tell you for sure exactly what my dream is anymore. I’ve turned it over and said, “Just tell me, God and I’ll do it.”
At times I start to get a little glimpse of the how this wild puzzle is coming together and I am convinced there is no possible way I could be used like that. That dream couldn’t be for me, it requires things I just can’t do. Nor could I ever. Yet, because God knows all my days, down to the very last one, He already knows I can do it.
It’s requiring a faith that honestly is hard at times. I’ve seen Him move in incredible ways in the last few years. I know He can restore the years the locusts have eaten. I know He still parts the sea for His people. I know He still speaks and I know He can change situations in unimaginable ways. But this … oh, this!
That sailboat is calling, the weather is gorgeous, but part of me is wondering just how far over it will lean as it glides through the ocean. If I will fall in. If the whole thing might tip right over as the sails catch the wind.
But God. He encourages me. Reminds me, every single thing that has happened in my life, is being used for good. Even those swimming lessons I screamed and cried through when I was little. The ones that allowed me to finally fall in love with the water. Those once painful, early lessons are the very things that help me trust I won’t drown even if I do fall in.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Pioneer and Perfecter of Faith. For the joy set before Him He endured the Cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the Right Hand of the Throne of God. —Hebrews 12:1-2, NIV
How has your God-sized dream changed over the last six months? How can I pray for you? Please leave it in the comments (or email to me).
Linking up with my God-sized dreaming sisters at Holley’s place.
Won’t you join us? Click here.