When a relationship doesn’t work out, we face not only despair but self-doubt. The questions circle in our minds: Was I asking for too much? Am I lovable? Will anyone ever love me? It’s tempting to lower our standards and date almost anybody that will have us when we are at that low point.
But the good news is that the end of a relationship can be the beginning of a discovery of what you’ll fight for, pray for and live for. If you learn to cherish not only who you are, but why you have the standards you do, you might just find that you’re more prepared than ever to meet that special person when he or she comes along.
After a breakup, these three things make you ready for love more than ever.
You Know What To Hold On To
These are the minimum basic standards that you have and will not compromise on. These should include that you will never tolerate abuse of any kind, that you expect the foundational elements of honesty, faithfulness, loyalty and respect. Love is challenging, sacrificial and selfless, but it is never abusive, demeaning, degrading or toxic. If you’ve had a traumatic break up or a troubled relationship that took you on a downward spiral, it’s time to do some soul-searching and ask God what your standards need to be.
These standards are not only what you’ll expect from the next person you date, but are what you expect to offer to someone as well. Before you get into a relationship again, concentrate on growing in self-respect, patience, kindness and self-control. You’re holding on to what love is all about, and you’re ready to let the painful past go.
You Know What To Let Go Of
You never really forget the painful experiences you’ve gone through, and nor would you want to. If you let God shine His light on those experiences and learn to ask the hard questions, you can actualy grow and mature because of them.
Ask yourself, “What bad habits and unhealthy patterns have I developed that I need to address?” Make it your aim to break these unhealthy patterns and let go of bitterness, resentment and fear.
You’ll also want to let go of inflated romanticism, in as far as how perfect your love story will be. It won’t be perfect, as in without flaws, but it will be the perfect journey of love for you. So, let go of that fear as well. God’s perfect love casts out fear and gives us the grace to love boldly and patiently.
You Know Who Will Lead The Way
When you know Christ as your Savior, He will not only lead you, but He will save you and rescue you on a daily basis. This has a major positive impact on your future marriage. God wants to renew our love for each other daily. And sometimes to do that, He has to save us from ourselves.
If you’ve ever been in a fight with your loved one, you know the truth is that we don’t always fight fair, do we? Sometimes we can be destructive with our words and we can tear down the relationship without even realizing the damage we are doing. When you ask God to daily lead you and your relationship, you’re asking Him to intervene and rescue you from yourself when you’re wandering off track. Prepare yourself to respond to God’s loving correction.
As it says in Psalm 23, God will lead us in paths of righteousness, which means paths of right living. Right living is healthy living where love flourishes and wisdom guides us as we seek God daily. Nothing will make you more confident going forward in your next relationship than to know that you’re holding on to the good, letting go of the hurt, and that God is with you and leading the way.
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