So many singles in the dating scene develop a kind of tunnel vision, zeroing in on one – and only one – goal. For some people, that’s finding a soulmate to marry and spend the rest of their life with. For others, it’s simply having a series of flings or good times.

Neither of these goals is inherently bad. In fact, I would argue that any goal is a valid as long as it doesn’t involve hurting other people. The problem comes when you become too fixated on only one goal. That’s when it’s time to look for a “happy medium” between the two.

Trying Something New

When you’re dating, you should be open to new experiences, including those that are out of your comfort zone. Dating should be treated as a massive experiment designed to help you figure out what you like and what you don’t like, what you want and what you don’t want. How can you know exactly what you want if you haven’t tried everything? Similarly, how can you know if something is right if it’s the only thing you’ve ever tried?

Try dating someone who doesn’t meet all your preconceived requirements for a good date. Consider committing to someone long-term if you’re used to short-term relationships – or vice versa. You never know what you really like until you have the opportunity to find out what you don’t.

Changing Things Up

Going to different venues can be a great way to meet new people in a laid-back atmosphere. For instance, speed dating, group dance lessons and group cooking lessons are all great options for meeting singles outside of your normal routine. Depending on the area you live in, there may also be meet-up groups for single, divorced or widowed individuals that you can join.

Even if you’re already online dating, you can mix things up there, too. Try interacting with people who you might not have been interested in the past. Respond to that email from the guy who seemed nice but not all that interesting (maybe there’s more than meets the eye). Give that cute girl a chance even though she lives a little farther away than you’d prefer.

Keeping Your Main Goal In Mind

It’s fine to have one central goal in your dating adventures; after all, many people really are looking for “the one” and that’s wonderful. But instead of only focusing on that goal, try adding some peripheral goals into the mix. For example, if your main goal is finding someone serious about entering a long-term relationship, add in another goal to have a few random, fun, one-time dates. It will make your life a lot more interesting and open you up to new kinds of romance. Who knows? You might just meet “the one” on one of those random dates.

Trying new things when it comes to dating is a great way to help you determine what you’re really looking for. By meeting more people and being open to different experiences, you’ll be better able to determine who is the best match for you in the long run.

  1. This article is super-confusing: stop being so focused on our singular goal, so we can go experience all the potential objectives that are directly counter to it? One might expect to find such a writer for OurTime or Couldn’t BELIEVE find a more coherent, spiritually-oriented writer to fill this space with something that resonates with Christians? Reading this is a waste of time.

  2. Thank you, Ms. Sheila Blagg, for your insights on this topic. 2ND time on this site, I want to do better this time around. I will take your advice at heart because I want a different outcome being on this site.

  3. Really agree to play field when in search to find the “one”…tunnel vision in dating can be dangerous..

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