So you think your date was bad? After being single for eight years you would think I could laugh in the face of Valentine’s Day. Not so much. I hated that holiday more than any other, and naturally assumed all chocolate and flower companies came together to make us poor single girls feel bad. (Not that I can’t buy myself Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups and bright red, orange, and pink gerber daisies, but whatever!)

When I wrote Not Another Dating Book as the answer to my single woes, I felt it was a mantra to all the things singles struggle with. For instance, if God is good, then why in the heck was I still single? 

Humor in relationships is important.

Very important.

My favorite part of the book are all the most embarrassing date stories I collected from across the country from dates gone wrong.

This Valentine’s Day, no matter which side of the fence you find yourself, let’s choose to laugh and here are some quotes (used with permission) to help you do just that!

My date was twenty minutes late for coffee, and when he finally showed up he sat down and started talking about his goals and plans for the future. He wanted to be a high school teacher in a small town in Iowa, he wanted at least six children, and he wanted his wife to be a stay at home mom. “What do you think?” he said. “You up for it?” I replied that I was hoping to have a career after college, and he shrugged, stood up, and left. —Stephanie, 20

I’d asked this guy out for coffee, and I thought he understood that it was a date. We met at a coffee shop on campus and were having a great conversation when he started to look all nervous and twitchy. He nodded over to the door, where another woman had just walked in. “I’m thinking of asking her out,” he said. “What do you think?”—Gillian, 25

It was my first date with this guy I’d liked forever. He took me to Olive Garden and ordered salad without dressing for us. I looked surprised, and he informed me that “Dressing’s really fattening. I don’t think you need it.” —Shelli, 28

I went on a date with a guy who ended up dining and dashing. I was sitting at the table waiting for him while he went to the “restroom”… and then I looked out the window to see him outside the restaurant waving at me, signaling me to run out and leave! I ended up paying for the entire meal myself. —Christine, 28

I went over to my date’s house to pick her up for a dance. She got in the car and I proceeded to try to back out of the driveway with the emergency brake still on. Her parents, grandparents, and siblings were all standing there laughing. —Ethan, 20

My ex-girlfriend had just broken up with me, but couldn’t find a new date to her homecoming dance. Her mother called my mother, and my mom forced me to take her. It was awful. —Nathan, 28

My boyfriend took me for a picnic in the park after it had gotten dark, not realizing that it was illegal to be there after sunset. He’d just leaned over to kiss me when a policeman showed up and demanded to know what we were doing. —Emily, 21

I was set up on a blind date, and I was only told the guy’s first name. When he arrived, it turned out to be an ex-boyfriend. Our breakup hadn’t been a good one. He stormed off, and I sat there feeling awkward. —Kelly, 31

In the middle of dinner my date got up, said he was going to the bathroom, and left the table. He was gone for half an hour. I started to wonder if he’d ditched me, but his jacket was still on the chair and his phone was still in the pocket. He finally returned with some excuse about feeding the parking meter, acting like nothing was wrong. When the check finally came, he whipped out a two-for-one coupon. “I bet you’re glad I have this,” he said. “Otherwise I wouldn’t have taken you to a place this nice.”—Andrea, 23

I was on a date with a guy I met on eHarmony. It was really uncomfortable — we had nothing in common, and I had more chemistry with our waiter. As the date was ending he looked at me and said, “So how should we pursue this?” I told him I wasn’t interested. —Chelsea, 26

I spent the entire date calling a guy by his twin brother’s name. Worst date ever for him and me. —Bethany, 32

 

*Quotes are from Not Another Dating Book (Harvest House, 2012).