Shortly after getting engaged, I was connecting with an old college buddy who was in town for work. He slid a card across the table and said, “Use this for a date night, but don’t talk about the wedding.” I smiled, but didn’t really understand his point.

As our wedding day drew closer months later, I knew exactly what he meant. Every conversation my fiancée and I had centered around wedding details: things we had finished, things we still needed to finish, last minute decisions we needed to make … the list seemed never-ending. It was a fun season, but it was definitely a stressful season. We were both thankful for my friend’s gift and for a date night where the only rule was “no wedding talk!”

The Wedding Haze

Unfortunately, most couples fall into the engagement trap of focusing more on the details of the wedding than preparing for the marriage itself. The marriage is 1,000 times more important than the details of the wedding. It may not feel that way in the moment, but take time to make sure you are preparing for a lifetime of commitment rather than just one day of joy and fun.

Here are some prompts to help you and your future spouse cover the issues that will be vital to your marriage’s success.

Conflict

• Do we have a plan for conflict?
• What does it mean to fight fair?
• How do we each tend to respond to conflict?

Money

• Do we have a budget?
• Who is going to handle the finances?
• How much savings are we going to have?
• How do we feel about debt?

Family

• How much time will we spend with family?
• How will we handle the holidays?
• Where will we live?
• Do we want children? When?

Faith

• Do we have a plan to pray and read the Bible together each day?
• What church will we be involved in?
• How will we pass on our faith to our children?

Expectations

• What does a healthy marriage look like?
• How much alone time to we both need?
• How often will we go on dates?
• How often will we make love?
• What do we each feel most insecure about heading into marriage?

Prepare As A Team

Work through these questions as your wedding day approaches. They are also good questions if you are considering engagement. The more of these big areas you can discuss openly and honestly, the more prepared you’ll be to build a lifelong marriage.

It’s best for most couples to identify a mentor couple. This should be a pair whom you both respect and can talk through these questions with. Share any recurring disagreements you may be having and give them the freedom to speak frankly about what they observe in you. Many couples don’t want to hear the reasons they might not want to move forward, but there is wisdom to listening carefully when wise couples share their concerns.

Marriage is a wonderful, beautiful gift. With the right person, it has the potential to bring us as close to heaven as we can come in this life. But with the wrong person, it can bring us as close to hell. Therefore, we must prepare well. Our future happiness is at stake.

You may also be interested in 4 Things To Have Your Pastor Say At Your Wedding