You’ve known each other for almost your whole lives. She’s one of the closest people to you, and you have so many things in common. Unfortunately, there’s one thing you don’t have in common: Mr. Right. She’s got him and you don’t.
Whether it’s your sister, your best friend, or another close female, what can you do when you wish that her boyfriend was yours?
You Can’t Just Take Him
Let’s be honest —this guy belongs to someone else. And she’s not just any old someone else, either. She’s one of the most important people in your life.
If you try to steal him away, you run a very high risk of seriously damaging your relationship with her, plus severely angering him as well. Trying to take something that isn’t yours won’t make anyone happy with you. There’s a good reason that God commanded His people not to want what wasn’t theirs.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s. —Exodus 20:17
Pray for a Right Heart
When someone has something you think should be yours, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, it’s common to develop feelings of bitterness. Ask God to help you treat your sister and her significant other with only the most honorable of intentions.
It’s easy to think, “I can’t change the way I feel,” but you can ask God to help you change. As difficult as it can be to imagine when you’re in the middle of a dark situation, feelings are variable. In fact, true love is not a matter of emotions, but of volition. Ask God to show you how to love both members of the couple by honoring their relationship and also ask Him to help your work through your troubling feelings.
Wait and See
This is just a dating relationship, and it’s possible that their relationship won’t last. If they split, perhaps you will have a chance with your love interest.
If they break up, give all parties involved time to heal before making a move. While emotions are still running high, you run the risk of hurting your friend or family member’s feelings, even if she says she’s totally over him. And as for your crush, do you really want to be the rebound girlfriend? Taking your time before approaching him about dating will give him a chance to be ready for a new relationship.
Of course, no matter how much time passes, it still may be difficult for your sister to accept the idea of your dating her old flame. Before trying to start anything up with him, be honest with her about the situation. Clear communication may ease the tension in a tricky situation and can help preserve your lifelong relationship.
But Don’t Put Your Life on Hold
It might hurt to hear it, but there’s no guarantee that this guy will ever be yours. Someday things might work out in your favor, but don’t waste months or years pining after what might amount to no more than a fantasy.
Instead, spend time living your life. Throw yourself into a hobby, join an organization or get involved in volunteer work. You’ll find greater fulfillment in your life, and you’ll meet new people also. In fact, you may even find a new love interest.
Along those lines, if someone asks you out, be open to saying yes. He might not have all the qualities you admire about your sister’s boyfriend, but sometimes love is surprising. It may turn out that what you thought you wanted wasn’t really best for you after all.
It’s no fun to love someone who can’t be yours, especially when he’s a major part of your favorite person’s life. But despite the pain, you don’t have to be stuck in misery. With God’s help, you can work through your feelings and seek out good things for your own life.