How Is He With Kids? The Answer Is a Deal Breaker

Facebook is Making Us Stupid

Social media is turning our once intelligent, rational, discerning brains into dopamine induced piles of dumb-dumb jelly. And that, well, is dumb.

There, I said it, and it feels good.

Note: If you happened to have found this article through Facebook, then I thank you for taking a break from photos of what people ate for lunch, where they went on the weekend that was more exciting than where you went, or how adorable their kid is, their dog, or their boyfriend holding their kid… and their dog …while taking a selfie in front of some amazing structure that is way more exciting than where you are sitting at this moment.

Oh, does that sound snarky? You can complain about it on Facebook. Send me the link and I’ll even like your page. )

I bring up how people look because, as a society, it’s no surprise that what people “look” like is often considered more important than how they “act.” This is a real problem, especially when it comes to finding the right mate for your life.

For the Ladies

I’m dedicating this rant to my ladies, but men, feel free to chime in. After all, it’s about you, and here’s what I have to say: How a guy looks holding a child in a photo on Facebook is not as important as how he acts with a child when the cameras are turned off.

I can’t stress this enough. As women, it’s imperative we go beyond looks and get to the heart and soul of the man we are interested in. Will he be as friendly and fun if your child comes home with a bad school report? How will he treat a whining toddler after a long day in the office, or after he loses his job? If he gets one day a week off from work, will he dedicate that time to hanging out as a family or going to a bar getting wasted with the money that could have been spent on dinner with you and the kids?

These statements might sound obvious, but when we’re in love, we forget.

I’m Just as Guilty

I truly believe my husband is one of the most handsome men on the planet. When I met him, he had a full time job, pants that didn’t hang off his butt cheeks, and a jaw line that made Cary Grant look like a schmo. But after the kids, we had our issues. When I needed a break from two kids on a Saturday afternoon, he wanted to work on his project car. When I wanted to spend money on organic food for our kids, he thought putting it savings was the better option. When I wanted to spend Saturday night at my family’s house, he wanted to spend it playing computer games with the guys. To say we hit a brick wall was an understatement. And, to be clear, it’s not like either of our priorities were that unjustified, but we weren’t serving each other. We were serving ourselves, our egos and our stupid stupid pride.

Needless to say, for about three years, we smiled for the Christmas cards, but inside, we were MAD.

It Wasn’t Until I Found God that I Found Relatoinship Joy Again

When I say “God saved my marriage” I mean GOD SAVED MY MARRIAGE. I didn’t know how I would live with my spouse for the rest of my life, but I didn’t know how I would live with myself if I tossed my union in the garbage without a fair fight.

The thing was, though, I was tired of fighting. I needed to surrender… but I couldn’t surrender to a life of misery. No, I didn’t want to survive anymore. I wanted to thrive. Enter the Lord.

It wasn’t an easy victory for God. I gave Him a really good match of fisticuffs. But I couldn’t argue with Him anymore. It was my will and a life of pain, or His will and a life of peace. I finally chose the second option, and thank God (literally, THANK GOD) I did.

Jesus wasn’t interested in what my husband looked like. He wasn’t interested in my anger, pride or frustration over it, either. What He was interested in what my soul looked like when I aligned myself with His.

My Marriage Can Only Be Described as a Supernatural Transformation

When I changed, my marriage changed. When I got softer, my hubby got softer. Why? Because when I became less of me, and more of God, I was able to rationally see where I was playing a part in the demise of my union. I was able to forgive, to set boundaries, and start fresh.

If indeed you heard him, and were taught in him, even as truth is in Jesus: that you put away, as concerning your former way of life, the old man, that grows corrupt after the lusts of deceit; and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind and put on the new man, who in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of truth. - Ephesians 4:21-24

Notice the Bible didn’t say:

If indeed your husband acts like the computer is his hot new girlfriend and leaves you with more dishes than stars in the sky, you can ditch him like a hot coal and start an affair with Hugh Jackman. – Andrea, Fantasy 101

No, it wasn’t until I was broken. Until I realized the face of God was more important than the face of my husband, that I could find peace.

And peace I found.

It wasn’t an easy road, and it did not mean I became a stepford wife to accommodate my non-believing husband, but my heart did become more pliable.

And in that softness, God molded me a new one that has forever changed how I’ll do life. (How’s that for a Facebook status, people!)

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander, be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you. – Ephesians 4: 31-32

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