A lot has happened in the past year. My husband lost his job and I started working full-time. Since then, I’ve had to deal with some pretty serious financial issues, a spike of symptoms with my son’s syndrome and more than a few fallouts from my friends’ divorces. I thought I was handling it fine. Enter my preacher voice. “I’m giving it all up to Jaaaaaysus!”
But on Friday I heard that my full time job here at Believe was not to be. This will be my last newsletter.
The combination of this all has rattled me to my core. I’m going to be fine, but right now, I don’t feel fine. I’m not prideful enough to hide the fact that it’s taken it’s toll on my relationship with my spouse, as well as my emotions. Feelings of worthlessness are starting to surface. It’s not pleasant to say the least.
I also know that I’m not the first person in the world to go through this, so I’m reaching out. I called my doctor and got on a little anti-anxiety medication. I am attending some free support groups. I am praying with a whole bunch of ladies. I was honest with my spouse and we are finally attending marriage counseling.
I’m depressed. I mean, really down. And yet, wasn’t God in that position, too? Didn’t he say in the Garden of Gethsamane, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”
Are you reading that? Jesus didn’t want to go through the pain. I don’t want to go through the pain. But when he gave it all up to God… when he decided he couldn’t fix it on his own… he had the strength to bear his cross.
And guess what is even better? The next line. “An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.”
I have had many angels in my life this week, too. Just one came in the mail today. Someone from church, who knew I was down and out, sent me this book. Healing is a Choice, by Stephen Arterburn. The subtitle? Ten Decisions to Transform Your Life, and Ten Lies That Can Prevent You From Making Them.
I will read that book. I will continue to pray. I will not ruin the relationship with my spouse by making any silly rash decisions. God has a plan for me, and that plan is to lean into him until things calm down.
I hope if you’re in that boat, you’ll do the same. And reach out to me! I could use your prayers, and I’ll pray for you. BabyCenterAndrea@Yahoo.com
Thanks for being part of these newsletters. I have loved all of your comments and kind words. It’s going to get better for me and it will get better for you.
Leave a comment: I’ll miss you ladies! Reach out to me at BabyCenterAndrea@Yahoo.com or at Facebook here.