When we find ourselves single again, we often reflect with a perspective of failure. Even the terminology used to describe the experience wreaks of it; “I called it quits,” or “I got dumped.” In those terms, it’s seemingly equivalent to quitting or getting fired from a job – not exactly what society deems successful.
But, just like anything else, it’s all about perspective.
First of all, being single doesn’t define you. And, to continue with the workforce analogy, many very successful people have walked away or been removed from their place of employment only to be led to their life’s purpose. In that way, relationships are no different.
In other words, when God closes one door, he opens another.
You are either courageously enduring a heartbreak or you have been brave enough to walk away from something that isn’t a fit for you. In either scenario, you are showing great strength and you deserve compassion, not criticism.
Take A Moment
When criticism – self-inflicted or otherwise – does pop in, it’s important to step away or refocus.
Take a moment to breathe. Concentrate on the basic action of each breath, in an effort to center yourself and become mindful; focus on the present moment. This will prevent the tendency to replay the events of the past or lost potential of the future over and over again.
Look For The Lessons
Just like with losing a job, there are likely things you needed to see and learn about yourself in the relationship. But the fact that you walked away or were asked to leave doesn’t make you a failure. It simply means you’ve been given a new opportunity.
Each relationship provides the chance to receive accurate reflections of our current emotional, psychological, physical and spiritual state. They give us the ability to see ourselves through another person’s eyes. And, more often than not, that gives us the cues to do whatever work is needed on ourselves to heal and grow. Focus on the positive takeaways that help move you forward with newfound insight and wisdom.
Focus On You
A breakup presents a time to focus on you – specifically, the relationship with yourself. In fact, in this situation, the alone time is needed to reflect, recover (with professional help, if necessary) and recharge.
Prioritizing yourself and your own needs and goals is an absolute necessity when you find yourself single again, regardless of the difficulty or lack thereof. In this way, being single again offers the perfect setting to evaluate the relationship with the self and ensure it is and remains healthy.
The best way to ensure a healthy relationship with the self is to begin focusing on the progress you’ve made and that which you are making. Rather than turning your attention to your mistakes, look for the growth. Even the courage it took to walk away or the fortitude it’s taking to heal speaks volumes with regard to your personal evolution.
It may be a baby step or a giant leap. But it’s important to see progress as progress, regardless.
Remember, as long as you’re moving forward – even if you’re leaving something or someone behind – you’re going in the right direction. A relationship that didn’t work out is simply one which moves you forward with new experiences, lessons and (ideally) emotional and spiritual growth. For that, you can be grateful and hopeful.
Something better awaits.
You may be interested in Focused On Being Single? Here’s How To Make God Your Priority Again
“God is a great God”