God is a great leader because not only does He define what is healthy and safe in handling sexuality, He also gives us guidelines on how to actually obey these steps of wisdom. To follow up from Part 1 of this dating guide, here are practical steps for achieving sexual integrity.

Believe God’s View Of You

You are sanctified and set apart. Your life is consecrated for a holy and divine purpose. When you see yourself as valuable and loved and understand that God designed you for a higher calling, you will be less likely to settle for having sex just to quench an urge and less likely to lower your standards and give away the gift of your virtue.

When you view sex as God does, as a precious gift to be protected until marriage, this raises its value. In “7 Simple Skills for Every Woman,” I explain that it is much easier to say “Yes!” to Jesus when you are fully convinced of Christ’s love for you. Spend time reviewing verses about God’s love and Christ’s sacrificial act of love on the cross. When God’s love for you is forefront on your mind, you will love yourself as God loves you and want the best for you, your life and your future.

Distance Yourself From Temptation

Often, when someone has an unplanned pregnancy, people whisper, “It was an accident.” But a person doesn’t “accidently” strip down to nothing and have intercourse; rather, there are a series of decisions that take place. If you walk back through the trail of choices, you can see the places where boundaries should have been set.

For example, avoid being alone in an empty home together, avoid cuddling up under a blanket and watching Netflix, and avoid hiding away in dorm rooms and bedrooms. If you are tempted, place some common-sense, self-imposed rules in place and invite in accountability. Tell those closest to you about your relationship guidelines and ask them to regularly ask you about how well you are handling them.

If you find yourself tempted, the Bible tells us to “flee” (1 Cor. 6:18). In the heat of the moment of temptation, don’t stop and pray; instead leave, then call each other on the phone later and pray. When we were engaged, my fiancé (who is now my husband), would say to me, “I am going to my place now, I love you; I love us too much to stay.”

Dig Into The Truth

Society has redefined sexuality as merely an entertaining act or a random connection, but God created it as a private act to connect a husband and wife in body, soul and Spirit. And God calls it sin to have sex any time with anyone whom you are not married to. Remind yourself of this over and over when you find yourself being tempted. When you see it as truth rather than simply an option, you’ll be more likely to follow God’s will.

Discern Your Vulnerabilities

Know yourself well enough to know what flips your sexual switch. Whether it is being touched in certain places, being kissed for a specific length of time or hearing sultry words or music, be aware of what makes you feel like throwing out your values and giving in to desire. Simply don’t place yourself in those situations. Be discerning and alter your habits accordingly.

For example, listening to jazz at a concert hall packed with people would likely be a safe romantic choice, but listening to that same music alone on a sailboat anchored far from shore may place you in a much more susceptible position to cave when it comes to your morals.

Display Self-Control

1 Thes. 4:4 explains that each person should acquire and possess their own body. This means you control your thoughts, desires and actions instead of allowing your thoughts, desires and actions to control you. The best way to accomplish this form of self-control is also found in the New Testament:

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.” —Romans 12:1-2

When you need help in the self-control department, pray something like, “My body is yours, Lord, not mine. I want to use it always as You intended. Please fill my mind with Your truths, Your thoughts and Your Wisdom. Amen.”

Distinguish Honoring Relationships

Identify those you are in relationship with as brothers and sisters. That wording calls you to show honor, respect, protection and provision for the other person. God clearly explains that in the area of sexuality, no one is to step over someone’s boundary, exploit someone to meet your lusts or try to outwit, manipulate or coerce another.

Wearing someone down is not love. Being a “player” is not honorable. In Phil. 2, we are called to be like Jesus and consider others as more important than ourselves. The Golden Rule of treating others as you would like treated is also positive motivation for making wiser choices. (Matt 7:12)

Keep The Finish Line In Mind

When relating to the other person, think long-term. What choices today would help you feel great when you see him/her tomorrow, or years down the road at his/her wedding? What choices would help you feel pure and commendable when you next see your parents or siblings, or when you meet the person you’ll marry?

Also, think about your life long-term. Do you want a lifetime of blessings in the bedroom after marriage? Imagine decades of the sexually satisfying “Red Hot Monogamy” without regrets that God wants to reward you with. Think of all the ways God will bless your external life for these righteous internal decisions. Pastor Todd Tolson recommends the 10-10-10 test: “How will you feel about this choice in 10 minutes? 10 months? 10 years?”

Personally, I can tell you it is worth the wait. Bill and I made the choice to say “Yes!” to Jesus’ plan for love, and the results have been decades of beautiful, passionate intimacy.

You may also be interested in How To Follow God’s Will For Dating & Sex: Part 1

  1. If more men respected women for taking this stance, I would be having much better luck on this site. I put it right on my profile and you would not believe the comments I have gotten because of that.

  2. Interesting comment, Linda. Damage to relationships has been done by our new cultural norms, feminism, etc., and we are all living with the consequence of what weve done. I dont believe I would have put it in my profile, though. I think its best to discuss this sort of thing in person, after you have a chance to see someone face to face for a while. I take it from your comment that the response has been overwhelmingly negative…

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