It’s easy to blame your spouse for your marriage issues when you think you’re doing everything possible to make it great. The real question is, “Are you?”

Chances are you are both responsible for your marriage issues. Now, stay with me here.

My wife and I struggled for years when it came to our marriage issues. Especially when it came to God.

Sunday morning is a great example. We would wake up Sunday and ask if church was on the schedule or not. I’d deflect and ask what time it started. She’d deflect and ask what else was going on that day. In short, we would “excuse” ourselves out of going to church. There we would lie in bed, not helping our marriage and slowly destroying it. And for what?

As a changed husband looking back, I had to ask myself some hard questions. There may be some hard questions you need to be asking in your marriage too. How could I have approached situations differently? Was I really being the spiritual leader? Was I really loving my wife by giving in to laziness and fear?

What questions require honest answers in your marriage?

Let’s look at a few more scenarios …

You want to lead in your marriage, but instead of getting or asking for help – you hope the regular Sunday morning message at church will hold the answers you seek. Maybe.

So things are really rough in your marriage and the only thing you do is pray. Now look, I am a firm believer in prayer, but I also believe that God has given certain people specific tools to use and help marriages grow. Don’t stop praying, but get off your butt and get some help from a counselor, mentor or pastor.

Say you’re dating this wonderful girl and you’re thinking about marriage. That’s great, but the problem is you live together and continue to have sex. Whose fault is it? I’ll say it’s both partners fault. My advice to the men is to step up and stop. Don’t wait for her to stop, be honest with her and let her know your heart. Wait for marriage. Trust me, it’s possible and it’s worth it.

So how can you lead? How can you stop blaming your spouse for all the issues and start taking responsibility in an effective and safe way?

Here are five questions you need to ask yourself:

1) Am I honestly doing everything I can to lead?

2) Have I communicated my feelings honestly to my spouse?

3) Have I honestly been praying about the situation on a daily basis and seeking God’s direction (not your own)?

4) Have I honestly and maturely discussed the situation with a church elder, pastor, a friend, a mentor or a marriage counselor?

5) How long have I been passing the blame onto my spouse, when the issue is really mine to take care of? 

Carefully consider the questions above and start making big changes in your marriage or relationship today! That’s right, don’t wait any longer!

Have you experienced this in your marriage or relationship? What are some ways you and your spouse effectively communicate with each other and throw water down on the blame game fire?

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