Dating has been on my mind a lot lately. Through emails, tweets and messages it seems people struggle with how to properly date and interact with someone they like or want to pursue. Because I can totally relate to this, and having just been out of the dating scene a measly few weeks, I thought it’d be fun if my fiancée (Alyssa) and I made a few short videos answering questions, offering suggestions on relationships, dating, etc.
I’m by no means an expert but I’d love to offer what I have learned the hard way. Below are just a few tips though that don’t need much explanation or video elaboration, so I thought I’d include them. I hope they encourage.
5 Tips for Guys in Dating
1. Grow up and stop looking at porn. It will ruin you, your relationship and your capacity for intimacy in the future.
2. Don’t play games. Make your intentions known early. There should be no guessing from the girl on whether or not you like her. If you are pursuing her, texting her, flirting with her, etc., then you are communicating to her that you want a relationship. If you are doing those things and don’t want a relationship, refer back to number 1.
3. Include her friends. Don’t pull her away from her life, but instead get involved in her life.
4. Simply listening goes a lot farther than offering a solution.
5. Treat her as someone’s future wife. She isn’t yours, she’s God’s.
5 Tips for Girls in Dating
1. Be secure enough in how much God loves you or you will become a slave to the guy’s decisions, emotions and actions. If you put your identity in your boyfriend, in hopes that he will satisfy you, save you and fulfill you, then when you break up it will feel like you are losing your god not your boyfriend.
2. Find out the guy’s gifts, talents and passions and pursue them with him. Guys like shared time more than shared conversation sometimes. Just doing an activity he loves, together, means the world. (Disclaimer: this does not mean you have to play COD with him all the time. In fact if he plays it too much, take a sledgehammer to the Xbox while he’s sleeping )
3. Break up with him if he doesn’t follow number 1 above. Seriously. It never ends well. A guy is always on his best behavior in dating so if you see red flags in dating, they only get worse in marriage. It’s better to be not married and lonely, than married, lonely and miserable.
4. Pray for him, let him lead and encourage him through texts, notes, gifts, etc. (Pinterest FTW).
5. Have a few older godlier men in your dating life (your pastor, father, etc). If you two date in isolation it won’t go well. Guys listen to guys, so get guys in your life that can speak into his life and keep him accountable.
I know there are plenty more I could add to the list. What would you add? What has helped you while dating?