But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”1 Samuel 16:7

Oh how many times I considered the outward appearance before ever considering his heart. I was so broken and desperate for someone to love that I would lose myself in the process.

As long as he was cute, and loved me, even if only for a moment, I would have given him my world; and many times I did.

I remember one “relationship” specifically. Goodness gracious … He was gorgeous! I mean hot! So hot, in fact, that the tiny important details seemed to escape me for a period of time.

Details like, a week after meeting him, I found him in a hospital room after trying to commit suicide, or the fact that his ex-girlfriend was stalking me just a couple of days after meeting him. But he was cute, and that is all that mattered to me!

You see, I was so concerned about his outward appearance instead of the condition of his heart. I was desperate for love because I valued myself so little and hadn’t allowed God to show me how much He loved me.

That simple (but complicated) oversight led me on a two year journey that became my living nightmare. My soul became entangled with his and at some point, I couldn’t walk away.

So how do we avoid falling for the cuteness?  How do we make sure that even if they are drop dead gorgeous that their heart is even more attractive?

1. GUARD YOU HEART: Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (Proverbs 4:23) We do this by keeping our emotions in check and giving them to God. Letting Him determine what you are to do with them. By letting the Spirit of God reign over your own soul (mind, will and emotions) and body. By hiding His Word in your heart that you might not sin against Him. 

2. TIME: There is simply no other way to get to know someone other than spending time with them. There is no magic number, and it is different for everyone but spending at least a year getting to know someone, going through the seasons together is a good start.

The heart of your future spouse and where they are in their relationship and commitment to God is going to sustain your marriage, not his or her good looks.

So, before you let the cuteness influence your decision making abilities, get to know them and the people they call friends and family.  Next to spending time with them, there is no better way to determine a person’s character than the company they keep.


You can read more of Allison’s work at allisonherrin.com or you can pick up her newly released book A Heart Abandoned: Discovering Your Road to Freedom in the Face of a Broken Past.

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