Settling can almost feel like walking blindly; you know you’re walking, but where to? Is there a good ending when you know from the beginning there is some kind of veil covering your eyes you’re not letting go of? The truth is, many of us find ourselves settling, and many of us wish we hadn’t. So, what does it mean to not settle?
What Settling Looks Like
I could list several things that jump to mind, like lowering your standards in certain areas like education and family matters. But what if settling has nothing to do with earthly matters like education, finances and family? What if it has everything to do with how much we believe in the faithfulness of a God who is known for giving us more than we could ever ask or think?
Could our matter of settling, then, be as simple as a mindset? Could it be as simple as a belief that God, not can or could, but will go out of His way to make things go well for us?
“God, your God, will outdo himself in making things go well for you: you’ll have babies, get calves, grow crops, and enjoy an all-around good life. Yes, God will start enjoying you again, making things go well for you just as he enjoyed doing it for your ancestors. But only if you listen obediently to God, your God, and keep the commandments and regulations written in this Book of Revelation. Nothing halfhearted here; you must return to God, your God, totally, heart and soul, holding nothing back.” —Deuteronomy 30:8-10
Return To God
It’s a simple, beautiful command. It’s not a command that will harm us. It’s not a command for selfish gain. It’s a holy command to simply believe with everything that is in us. We need to stop believing in standards and the gold rush of some sort of jubilant expectancy once we find someone; we need to stop, stretch our hands out to the Father, and realize just how vast and mighty His love is. The act of settling is something we conjured from self-hate, doubts, worries, fears and our own failures, and so we configure settling is as good as we’ll ever be, right?
God never designed you to settle, beloved. He designed you to be so full of faith, that you only expect God’s ultimate best for you. I am a witness to that kind of love, and also a testament to someone who once settled; it will get you absolutely nowhere, but stuck in a ruthless game of repeated ache, and a lower sense of self-worth.
Recognize God’s Gift
Sure, we can have standards; we can be confident in the fact that we desire to date someone who wants children and has an education and, first and foremost, puts God as their number one priority. But never forget the moment you took off that veil. Never forget when the act of settling remained no longer in your soul, and why. Remember that you simply never have to settle, because God’s gift is truly, undeniably, waiting for you to walk into. It’s a promise from the Father, if we seek Him with all of our heart and soul.
“This commandment that I’m commanding you today isn’t too much for you, it’s not out of your reach. It’s not on a high mountain – you don’t have to get mountaineers to climb the peak and bring it down to your level and explain it before you can live it. And it’s not across the ocean – you don’t have to send sailors out to get it, bring it back, and then explain it before you can live it. No. The word is right here and now – as near as the tongue in your mouth, as near as the heart in your chest. Just do it! Look at what I’ve done for you today: I’ve placed in front of you Life and Good Death and Evil. And I command you today: Love God, your God. Walk in his ways. Keep his commandments, regulations, and rules so that you will live, really live, live exuberantly, blessed by God, your God, in the land you are about to enter and possess.” —Deuteronomy 30:11-16
So, what does it mean to not settle? It means to believe that God is more able than you dare to believe.
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Thanks for the article and the encouragement not to just settle for the first man that says all the right things. That’s how most of us got divorced in the first place. I’ve written down requirements on areas where I won’t compromise. I believe God will give me that as long as I honor Him and seek discernment from Him after every match.