“So, how’s your new relationship going?” I asked one of single friends.

This savvy and attractive 30-something woman sighed deeply. “I don’t understand what happened. We were doing great. We spent every minute together for a month, and then he just stopped calling. I’m devastated.”

“Every minute, wow. Do you think maybe you rushed things a bit?” I inquired. “Did you stop going out with friends, meeting new people and dating anyone else?”

“Well, yes. But I shouldn’t be two-timing a guy.” she responded.

“Is a four-week encounter even worthy of two-timing?” I asked. “Were you in a committed serious relationship where he asked you to be his girlfriend?”

“No. But that seems wrong,” my friend replied. “I’m a Christian. I shouldn’t be two-timing him.”

The lightbulbs went off in my head. This was the real issue! This idea of only dating one person at break-neck speed was the reason she continued in the same pattern of broken relationships. Could dating more than one person at a time actually be a good idea in this case?

Early Dating Habits

There is a fallacy in the Christian community that dating more than one person at a time is morally wrong. I would agree that if you are in a serious committed relationship, this absolutely holds true, but all too often, people apply this principle in the early stages of dating when you are just getting to know one another.

The stage of early dating is not an engagement and holds no restrictions. You wouldn’t sign a contract to only shop at a certain grocery store the first time you walked in the door, so why would you drop all your potential relationships until both parties are ready to commit and move forward at the same pace?

Too Intense Too Fast

One of the biggest pitfalls of dating I’ve seen both women and men encounter is jumping head over heels into a relationship and then having it sizzle out as fast as it started.

Unfortunately, I watch certain individuals repeat this same pattern over and over. They meet a new guy or gal and overdo the initial phase. In fact, they act like they are married within 10 minutes. They text each other constantly and jump into a sexual relationship. They stop hanging out with their friends. They let a wave of endorphins crash their brains and they move into the crazy falling-in-love stage so fast the relationship can’t keep up with it. Then, one person starts to feel overwhelmed and suddenly calls it quits. Each time we jump into this game, our hearts blister and wither a little more.

Casual Dating

What if when my friend met a new guy the next time around, she kept it light in the initial dating stage? Things might turn out differently if the pace of the relationship slowed down.

When I met my husband, I was casually going on dates with a few people. I didn’t stop dating everyone else because he asked me out; I simply made Tim fit into my busy and active schedule. I had a full and complete life that he had to compete with, and he happily pursued. We went on one date a week for the first month, then added in phone calls on a regular basis. We took the time to get to know one another. We asked questions, we met each other’s friends, and we assessed how we operated together.

After a few months, I realized this guy was truly different from the other guys, and I recognized the relationship was ready to take to the next step. But only after he officially asked me to be his girlfriend did I stop seeing other people. I had learned my lesson the hard way after rushing way too many relationships.

Why Sex Complicates Things

The reason many people rush dating is because they jump into a sexual relationship early on. As a result, dopamine floods their brain and starts clouding their judgment.

If you aren’t sleeping with your dates or messing around sexually, then you have no reason not to date more than one person until you are committed. In all honesty, dating more people will give you a better idea of what you are looking for in a spouse. Sexual intimacy is best handled in a committed marital relationship, not in the dating stages when you need to have a clear and unbiased judgement regarding the person.

Getting Serious

The time to get serious is when you realize this person is a great fit for you. They will stand out against everyone else you are dating. They get your humor. You start missing them when they are gone. They will show up when you need them.

Once you know you are both in, let the romance fly. Guarding your heart and giving it to the right man or woman shows wisdom. Giving it away to the first guy or girl who asks is foolish.

If you are guilty of perpetually rushing relationships, commit today to slowing down. Keep dating other people, enjoy a full life as a single person and bring God into each step of your dating life.

You may also be interested in Recognizing God’s Gift So You Don’t Settle For Less

One Comment
  1. Thanks so much for the article. That really clears things up for me about Christian dating. When I was younger I wasn’t a Christian. Now that I’m divorced this is all new to me.

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