The ending of any relationship can be a difficult experience. It’s not only the fear of the unknown, but the grief and all that process entails. Additionally, there are the feelings of failure, rejection or insecurity that may arise and which certainly add salt to a fresh wound.
Each individual’s circumstances, level of emotional maturity and personal history will dictate just how overwhelming it is to become single again after a relationship ends. Still, regardless of the degree of discomfort experienced, most people unwisely choose to jump right back into the dating pool without even taking the time to breathe. But maybe, it’s wise to consider another option.
The Dating Loop
The main reason people decide to simply dive right back into dating is because they don’t want to face the feelings that are arising. The feelings of rejection and mounting insecurities are too difficult to bear. As such, they choose to avoid, escape or suppress them by moving on to the next person.
Though this is a temporary fix for the symptomatic emotions, it doesn’t last long. The uncomfortable experiences don’t go away. They simply get projected onto another individual. This, of course, typically sets the tone for another breakup.
And thus begins a continuous dating loop that ends up being destructive in nature.
Break The Cycle
With the dating loop, relationship after relationship becomes subject to the last relationship’s unfinished business and the compounding feelings of loss, rejection and failure and insecurity.
To end the cycle, one has to face and heal the self.
Beginning to grieve relationships losses is key to this healing process. It’s not merely key to eventually finding a life partner and enjoying a healthy, holistically successful relationship, but also key to repairing and nurturing the relationship with yourself.
The next time you’re find yourself dealing with post-breakup blues, take time away from the dating scene to focus on the relationship with you. In other words, when a relationship ends, the best thing to do is date yourself for a while – preferably, a long while.
This stage of starting over with yourself – regaining composure, rediscovering you, and reflecting on the events of the recently ended relationship – is vital. It forces you to face the discomfort, which is necessary for growth, encourages self-love and extinguishes the fear of being alone. The latter is certainly necessary to prevent the continuous dating loop.
Don’t Revolve – Evolve
Taking the time to date yourself allows for the necessary breather – the time to heal, rest and recover the self. This breathing room gives you the space to evolve, rather than remain in a revolving door of no-chance romance that ultimately leaves you spinning.
After all, relationships aren’t meant to be distractions, escape or avoidance tactics that keep us from evolving. Conversely, they are designed to mirror and challenge us to grow by forcing us to see and do the necessary work on ourselves. And when they end, it’s an opportunity to reflect and decide where more work is needed.
As such, the only relationship to dive into when you find yourself single again is the one with you.
You may also be interested in 5 Ways To Move On After A Bad Breakup