It is no heavenly secret that the act of finding in The Bible is an important task. As believers, we know that when we seek God—we will find Him.

“I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.” Proverbs 8:17

But what of a wife, or, a husband? If we seek them, will we find them as well? As a woman, I’m more inclined to believe that—though I may not have outwardly admitted it—I was fearful of not finding him.

Sometimes I feel I’m stuck in what Psychologists call the Cinderella complex—when a woman unconsciously desires to be taken care of, particularly, by a man. In my world, it looks more like a woman who strongly desires a husband. I’m old enough to know that fairytales don’t exist—but who said that a fairytale was the ideal?

After much reflection and hardships, I’ve realized something that has made all the difference. I desire a real life with a very real God. I desire Him. I desire our relationship. This is the only sustaining truth that will last a lifetime—or as the fairytales put it—happily ever after.

The ideal fantasy of a husband won’t heal me from a sickness or take my pain away. For that matter, no ideal ever will. Only a God who rebukes in loving kindness has this kind of majestic power. It belongs to Him. Not man. I use to agonize over my own anguishing—was I coveting something yet to happen?

I believe I was. Instead of focusing on the Prince of Peace, I was coveting a man who had yet to walk into my life. I sometimes felt like God was just looking at me—and often, that’s all it took for me to fall to my knees. God has brought me through sorrow and pain, to rediscover who He is.

I’d prefer this kind of story over any happily ever after—because it’s God glorifying. Do I desire a husband? Yes. But is this future husband my strongest desire now? No.

“All my longings lie open before you, Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you.” Psalm 38:9 I know God understands what every sigh from my lips means—without words, He knows full well. I also know that I am not flawless. But as corny as this sounds, it’s like God always makes flowers out of my flaws. He’s always telling me to grow from each of them, and somehow, rendering something beautiful in the end.

My focus is upon the God who relentlessly loves and who unmistakably adores me. The God who breathes like the swells of the ocean—strong and deep—the kind of breath that can only bring someone back to the shore again, safely home.

“Mightier than the thunder of the great waters, mightier than the breakers of the sea—the LORD on high is mighty.” Psalm 93:4