When was the first time you asked yourself if men and women can be just friends?
I can remember that conversation as if it happened yesterday. I was in the seventh grade, and my friends and I were wasting time in gym class to talk about more important matters: boys. After listening to my friends talk, I was horrified to find out that (shocker) — I was the only girl who hadn’t kissed a boy yet. I instantly felt this pressure I’ve never felt before. Maybe it was just me, or the way I was raised — but I wasn’t quite comfortable with having boy friends. And I certainly wasn’t going to kiss a boy who wasn’t my friend.
I wonder if I’m the only one who’s ever felt that way.
In a hook-up-or-go-home culture, it’s tough for me to justify skipping the “let’s be friends” part while jumping into a serious relationship. That probably also explains why I was single for so long.
I tell people often that I was single for over a decade until I found my prince. Personally, he was worth the wait – -but how do you justify friendships before marriage? Can men and women be just friends? I recently wrote an eBook entitled Loves Me Not to help answer the very same questions I asked before I got married. In it, I write,
“Questions like these are very important to ask before marriage, BUT before I attempt to answer these questions, I want to state what friendship — more importantly, godly friendship — looks like.
- + Friends don’t gossip about each other (Proverbs 26:20).
- + Friends are gentle instead of harsh or angry at each other (Proverbs 15:1).
- + Friends words bring healing (Proverbs 12:18).
- + Friends should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19).
- + Friends don’t destroy each other (Proverbs 11:9).
- + Friends are understanding and even-tempered with each other (Proverbs 17:2).
- + Friends pray for each other (Job 42:10, James 5:16).
- + Friends spur each other forward (Hebrews 10:24).
- + Friends encourage each other daily (see Hebrews 3:13).
- + Friends share in each other’s troubles and joys (see Romans 12:15).
- + Friends are reliable and stick closer than a brother or sister (Proverbs 18:24).
After reading the list, I hope you know and understand more about what a true friend does and doesn’t look like.
There was nowhere in this list that said you can or can’t be friends with the opposite sex.
Nowhere does the Bible say, “Thou shall or shall not be friends with the opposite sex.” Praise God, right? But it does say to choose your friends “carefully” (Proverbs 12:26, NIV).
Maybe after reading the list you’ll know more about your motives and the intentions of the friends surrounding you. It is also my hope to instill a deeper sense of appreciation for what it takes to be friends first before jumping into a relationship. What better way to discern if a relationship will be a good fit if you know what good of a friend he or she is?
I do believe it is possible for guys and girls to be just friends.
The how is between you, God, and the other person.”
What about you? What’s the verdict? Do you believe men and women can be friends? If you’d like to read more from Loves Me Not, I’d love to share more with you. If you or anyone you know is currently experiencing a broken relationship or a breakup — I encourage you to pick up the eBook for only $2.99.
It is my prayer that God blesses you in all your relationships no matter if you have to wait a year, a few years, or a decade like me!