There was so much I didn’t know in those early days of my walk. As I spoke about in Blog 8, I tracked down a Christian counselor to help me with
my life crisis spiritual walk.
The day of my first session, I shifted uncomfortably in the waiting room. Soft music piped through the speakers. “Probably to mask the sounds of other harping crazies in the office,” I thought to myself.
Scanning the blue office – replete with musky blue 80’s couches and furniture barn oak shelving – I made a note that I would never read an article from one the Christian magazines on the coffee table entitled, “Too blessed to be Stressed.”
“Stop it!” I told myself. Remembering why I was there, I made an internal agreement with myself. “You will NOT pretend to be okay,” I said.
Even if I came off like a complete nervous wreck – which I was – I reminded myself I was paying this PhD a lot to listen to me. What the heck did I have to lose, other than pride? And really, that was lost awhile back, including just a few hours ago when I drove my kids’ to their school drop-off in my pajamas, only to have to make a last minute in person visit to the principal’s office about my son’s attention issues.
“Cookie Monster slippers and Elmo lounge pants? Oh yeah, that school was going to take this mama seriously,” I clucked to myself.
I’d since changed my clothes for my big therapy appointment. “Sleepwear be damned!” I thought to myself. “More important than my outside is my inside, and I know I’m in trouble.” I just didn’t know how to fix it.
“You can start with the truth,” a kind voice offered a few minutes later when I found myself sitting on a comfortable sofa.
I looked over to see Sam, my therapist, smiling up at me from a lap tap. Looking like a cross between Jimmy Buffet and Tommy Bahama, he sported Converse tennis shoes with a wool blazer. I wasn’t sure if he was going to ask me to play basketball or quote Mr. Rogers.
“I’m totally confused,” I told him. “I love my husband, but I don’t understand him. I know I can’t fix my son’s Tourette Syndrome, but if the noises don’t go away, I’m going to go insane and, well, let’s face it, I’ll never be happy again. And if I can’t get happy, I’ll never be able to understand my husband or enjoy my kid and can you see this vicious cycle I’m in I’M SO EXHAUSTED!!!!!!!!”
I looked up expecting to see Sam wide-eyed, giving me my exit papers. Instead, I found him completely unfazed, shaking his head in “I see this all the time” understanding.
And then he said shared something with me which completely changed my life.
Want to know what it is? Check back in a few days!
Leave a comment: Who there has been to therapy? Did it help?
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