Had someone told me back then that my life would go in the direction it has now, I probably would have given up on December 1, 1997. I didn’t think life could get any harder. If the “back then me” could ask the “now me” how things looked in the future, I would still say they are hard. But I would also say:

“Wait until you realize who you are, and what the days ahead are going to teach you. And start dreaming out loud about how to pay it forward, because you have the power to change the world around you.”

The greater the trial, the more valuable the power of what is transformed in you, to transform the world around you.

The Power Of “What”

I have always accepted life for what it is. But I’ve also been greatly conflicted through my experiences and my understanding of the broken world we live in. The rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous. Why is there so much tragedy and evil? And why does tragedy visit one person and not another? We’re all familiar with these questions, but we often don’t know the answer to them.

Loss is a part of life. The greatest pain and loss in my life was the loss of my marriage. This led to my greatest frustration, which was the repetitive cycle of failing to find the right someone. I felt the loss of time, energy and hope every time a hopeful match turned into a flop. If you have ever dated, you understand this frustration.

It is natural to ask and wonder why these things happen. No matter the frustration, loss or painful event, “Why?” becomes a very logical question. Over time, however, I realized that I was asking the wrong question. It wasn’t about rationalizing and analyzing what happened, it was about learning from it. If there is only one lesson I could go back in time and teach myself, it would be to learn!

Always Be A Student Of Life

Instead of asking “Why?” ask “What?” More specifically, “What can I learn from this? What can this teach me?”

Loss, disappointment, rejection, abandonment – these are the things you risk facing when you’re actively dating. They’re the type of situations that cause us to ask “Why?” But who we are, and what we are truly capable of, is empowered when we embrace the “what” when the “why” situations come.

What does God want to see come to life within you? What is He teaching you through this trial? In my experience of life, He withholds blessings when He knows we are not ready for it. If we intentionally learn from life’s frustrations, including our dating struggles, we can become the best versions of ourselves.

Our greatest blessings are just on the other side of learning. You will never lose again when you embrace the opportunity to learn from life’s challenges.

You may also be interested in The Big Picture: Reacting To Dating Disasters With Love