Dear Self:

You’re 21. You just graduated from college but, to your dismay, after four years of rigorous studies, you never got your MRS degree. All your roommates had serious boyfriends who became husbands, but you’re still wondering when it’s your turn.

You’ve dated some really good guys but nothing serious ever came about. You’re remembering the advice from your dad who said you didn’t need a serious boyfriend in college. But… college is over. You’re on your way to Nashville for a publishing internship and you’re praying God will bring you someone special.

Well at this season in your life, if I could have a heart-to-heart conversation with you over coffee (or rather tea — your Starbucks addiction won’t come until you have a newborn), there are just a few things I’d say to you while you’re still single.

1. Rather than obsessing over finding the right one, focus on being the right person.

Growing in your faith as a godly woman is far more valuable than wondering when God is going to give you a husband. There are areas in your life you need to keep working on so when the roads in marriage get rocky, you’ll be better prepared.

2. Savor every moment God gives you as a single woman.

Your single years are a gift, not to be wasted or worried over. Don’t look too far ahead into the future or you’ll miss the joys and blessings of today. Continue to travel the world. Serve others well. Invest in those younger than you who need someone to look up to.

3. Live a life of sexual purity. 

All your life you’ve known through God’s Word, your parents, pastors, youth leaders and friends to save sexual intimacy for marriage. Let me just tell you that they are right. It’s one of the greatest gifts you’ll give to your husband so don’t do anything stupid. Run from temptation when it comes. Don’t compromise. Wait for it.

4. Keep writing those letters to your future husband.

You’ve been slack on those lately, but remember your writing isn’t in vain. God knows the desires of your heart and that it helps you in the waiting. One day you’re going to do something special with all those legal notepads so be careful not to misplace them again.

5. Practice the art of cooking and collecting good recipes.

Your husband will be a foodie and one of the ways you’ll really win his heart is through his stomach. Imagine that. Improving your cooking skills might save you from burning the broccoli and catching your cookbooks on fire. Turn those burners off after you’re done cooking! Trust me on this one.

6. Listen to godly wisdom from your parents, friends and mentors.

I can’t tell you how critical it is that you learn to walk in humility. Your mom has always prayed that you would walk in holiness, obedience and purity as a young adult. Stamp that wisdom on your heart and trust that she is right especially in your dating relationships.

7. No man will ever complete you.

Your husband is going to be the man of your dreams and so much more. I promise you that. But he’ll let you down at times just like you’ll disappoint him. He will never fill the emptiness in your heart that you feel at times. Only God can make you whole and completely satisfied. Practice loving God and knowing him more because the most important relationship in your marriage is your relationship with God.

8. Life is hard, but God is good.

Just as hard times exist in singlehood, they do even more so in marriage and you’ll go through many trials and testing. Discipline yourself to persevere through them and allow difficulties to shape your character and draw you closer to God. Don’t ever give up no matter how much life squeezes you.

9. Never take your alarm clock for granted.

After you get married and have kids, your children will wake you up at the crack of dawn, sometimes at 5 A.M. You might as well throw the alarm clock out the window. At times you and your husband will find yourselves only dreaming about your single days so please enjoy them while you can.

The amazing thing is that the day you meet your husband will catch you by surprise. It won’t be in Nashville, but it will be a few months later in Virginia. Your heart will know he is the one when you meet him. But be patient.

Let him pursue you. Respect and love him well. He is absolutely one-of-a-kind as many attest to. Thank the Lord for him every day and be amazed that he enjoys spending his days with you. Hold your relationship with palms open and get prepared for the greatest journey of your life.

Yours truly,

What would you say in a letter to your single self?


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