Ruthie Dean is a marketer, speaker, and the co-author with her husband of Real Men Don’t Text: A New Approach to Dating. She blogs at 


The question “Why am I still single?” seems to plague my generation. Last week, Michael and I had an interview and the host shared that question from a woman in the audience.

It’s a hard question to ask and an even harder one to answer. Are you defensive, hard to be around, sloppy, or caddy? Do you unintentionally turn men off? Have you met more than one available, quality man in the last month? Is it just not your time yet?

I don’t know the answer to these questions, but I do know a thing or two about men and some reasons they may not be calling you. It’s easy to think there is something wrong with you, when it may have nothing to do with you.

5 reasons he might not be calling you:

1. You have standards. Men respect standards, but when men want to act like boys and mess around, they flee women with standards. When men recognize they have to really step up their game to be with you, the wrong guys won’t call. But the right man won’t walk away

2. You are a woman to build a life with. You are kind, classy, hardworking, and an all-around knockout of a woman. Any guy would be lucky to have you by his side, but sometimes nice girls finish last. He might not be calling you because he recognizes you are the real deal and he isn’t ready to settle down. Unfortunately, there isn’t anything you can do to change his mind. Trust me, I’ve tried.

3. You have it going on. If you are successful in your career, well-spoken, poised, socially well-rounded, chances are he might be intimidated. If he doesn’t feel like he’s where he wants to be in life, he might not call you until he feels adequate. Keep doing your thing and the right man will come along. Don’t apologize for being amazing.

4. You ask him to know your heart (before your body). Physical standards are important in relationships. There’s a lot of dialogue about the unfairness of the sexual double standard, but unfair or not, your physical purity now will lead to greater intimacy with your spouse down the road. If your crush isn’t calling you because he wants to “sow his wild oats” good for him; don’t let his inaction in pursuing you convince you there is something wrong with who you are. Purity now paves the way for intimacy later.

5. A last-minute text isn’t good enough for you. You are an excellent communicator and are worth his words. You aren’t sitting around waiting for some guy to remember that you exist. Right? If he wants to date you, he needs to make a plan in advance and treat you with respect. Don’t demand respect, but kindly tell him your standards and see if he’s up to the challenge.

A friend recently shared how a guy put her in the ‘friend zone’, saying she was the kind of girl he’d like to settle down with… one day. She has been single for a few years and had high hopes that this guy was the One. He was calling her, not texting her and seems to have all the qualities she was looking for. The abrupt ending made zero sense and we talked through reasons why he didn’t want to take things further. Why didn’t it work out? Maybe because she is a woman unlike any other and is waiting for a man who recognizes her as such.

I suggest printing out the list above for a reminder to keep standing strong. There’s nothing wrong with you.

Do you have anything to add to the list that has brought you encouragement? 

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