There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not: The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid. —Proverbs 30:18-19
You may think you have found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. He is handsome, funny, and charming. However, Proverbs 31:30 tells us, Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. This applies to men also. Before you surrender your heart, take a moment to read these reason why he may not be the one.
Life is long, and marriage takes as much work as it gives joy. You want a partner who will respect you, love you more than he loves himself, and is someone you can count on for the long haul. How he acts while you are dating will not change when you are married.
Twelve reason to take a step back
- He often wants to split the bill – Men who want to split the bill are often selfish, and stingy. If you are looking for a man who will be a good provider, think about the fact that he cannot even provide for the evening’s entertainment.
- When you are out together, he often leaves you at the table to join his visit with his friends instead of inviting them to the table – When he leaves you to fend for yourself while he is pursuing something that appears more interesting, he may not value your company, and certainly is not being respectful of your feelings.
- He makes excuses to skip church or small group – Unless he is working, habitually making excuses so that he cannot attend church with you will continue throughout your marriage. You will find yourself in the position as the spiritual head of your family, instead of the man taking his rightful place.
- You do not like his friends – Examine why you do not like his friends. Be sure it’s not jealousy because his friends take him away from you. It is healthy in a relationship for both partners to have same sex friends. However, if his friends act in ways that offend you, and he is with them, chances are some of his behaviors are offending you. He will not give up his friends after you are married.
- He always wants to “meet you there” – This shows a lack of commitment to you. He is not a protector, and is telling you this with his behavior.
- He does not like your friends – This could be a sign of jealousy, also. Ask yourself if you are ignoring him to spend time with your friends. If this is not the case, then not liking your friends may reveal that he does not like who you are. This does not mean he does not love you, however, he may be planning to exert controls after you are married to try to change who you are.
- Your parents do not approve – Parents are wise and can observe attitudes and behaviors a woman in love may not be able to see. If your parents do not approve, talk to them about their disapproval. You may discover your love had blinded you to some serious flaws.
- You feel you have to keep your opinion to yourself – If expressing your opinions causes arguing and strife while you are dating, this will not change. If, as a couple, you cannot speak freely, you may not be on the same page.
- He always wants to choose where you go on a date – This is a sure sign of a controlling personality. A controlling person will continue to control the relationship throughout your life. This will affect how you furnish your home, raise your children, and socialize with other couples.
- He is disrespectful of your feelings and thoughts – This will not change. It displays a lack of respect for you that will continue throughout your relationship. It shows he does not value you as a person.
- He has behaviors or attitudes you think you can change – This is a trap for many women. Women believe that with marriage, love, and support, the person will change. However, the man you marry will remain same person. If he hangs out with his friends many evenings a week, makes fun of you, criticizes you, or has other bad habits, take a step back. When you are married, this will be a source of strife and unhappiness.
- You do not have peace – And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. —Philippians 4:7. If you are struggling with these reasons, and have not peace, this is a sure giveaway to know he is not the one.